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Hottie Report Card: Jordana Brewster

04.03.2015by: Salacious Crumb

It's no secret that car movie fans are revving up their engines for FURIOUS 7, which is out in theaters today. Of course, there are literally dozens of babes from the FAST & FURIOUS series who meet the qualifications for a Hottie Report Card. Within the first six movies alone, you've got Michelle Rodriguez, Gal Gadot, Eva Mendes, Gina Carano, Nathalie Kelley, Devon Aoki, Elsa Pataky, Jason Statham, Mark Boone Junior and so forth. So many to choose from, so let's just put the spotlight on a hottie who's been along for the whole ride, Jordana Brewster. Feel free to state your piece in the comment section below, but please try to keep it clean. Above all, this is a place for celebrating hotties in movies. Now, onto the pictures!

There have been a lot of beautiful faces featured throughout the FURIOUS movie series (I'm lookin' at you, Mark Boone Junior). Jordana's mug may very well fall into the "top 3". Personally, I've been a fan since the beginning, despite those eyebrows being somewhat of a distraction from time to time. Naturally, in the blink of an eye, I let that pass, as I myself am a freakazoid with facial hair that makes no sense whatsoever.

Although the trailers for every FAST & FURIOUS flick in existence were "subtley" sprinkled with ass shots, the rump of the most prominent female lead in each film doesn't offer a whole lot of screen time. However, she has been kind enough to provide us with reasonable glimpses from various bikini photoshoots. I'll be honest. Despite my personal ranking in this category, I plea to continue to enjoy the hell out of this photo...

Throughout the ongoing years of FURIOUS flicks, there has been a wide variety of hotties, and while I can't pin which actress in the series would provide the best foreplay, I would imagine Mendes or Nathalie Kelley. Somewhere beyond those names, you'd find Jordana Brewster, a damsel whom I presume would never be left hanging in distress. And although, due to her slimness, Jordana's sweater puppets may not provide a ton of shade over the summer, she's proved their worth in various photoshoots and red carpet premieres. It's safe to say that Brewster has more than a little hottie magic brewing upstairs.

For as long as I can remember her being in movies, Jordana has always struck me as a hottie, and that may be largely due to both her face and her figure. Her curves may not be as dangerous as others, but they'll get you to your desired destination, if ya' know what I mean. Could she use an extra cheeseburger every now and then? Perhaps (I'm no doctor). Still, I think it's fair to assume the majority of schmoes feel the same way, as she appears on our site year after year, and so far, we have yet to receive any complaints. 

It's tough to make an argument regarding the progress of a hottie's career, especially when my own typical Sunday dinner is Ramen noodle salad. Furthermore, Jordana is a consistent star in one of the most popular, not mention profitable film franchises in history. Of course, I'm referring to the FAST & THE FURIOUS franchise. Brewster has starred in several movies aside from the franchise, including THE FACULTY, but it's pretty clear that her success is mainly due to the same film series that brought us fast cars and Ludacris's giant afro. It's rather insane how popular movies about street racing have become since my teens. Aside from that, Brewster has lately been reaching beyond that "car criminal" image with movies like the dark-rom-com HOME SWEET HELL. 

Through the grapevine, I've been made aware that Jordana has claimed to be sensitive to criticism. If that's true, I hope she doesn't stumble upon this column on Easter weekend only to bawl out in tears while eating as many chocolate bunnies as possible. There are plenty of thing about Jordana's history which may lead one to assume she's sort of a "princess" type, as Brewster's FACULTY co-star Shawn Hatosy once put it, to her ignominy. This accusation may have been brought up due to her grandfather being a former president of Yale University, and perhaps because she's the daughter of swimsuit model Mario Joao. However, I've never personally found Jordana annoying or stuck-up in any way. It seems like she strives to avoid such an image, and I hope she does so by getting herself some more diverse, interesting roles down the line. Give us all you've got, Jordana!

Check out our previous Hottie Report Cards...

"A" Students: Salma Hayek, Jennifer Aniston, Paula Patton, Gemma Arterton, Amber Heard, Lacey Chabert, Jaimie Alexander, Gillian Jacobs, Natalie Dormer, Amy Adams, Alison Brie, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Brook, Kate Mara, Eva Green, Carla Gugino, Scarlett Johansson, Kate Upton, Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lawrence, Charlize Theron, Olivia MunnZoe Saldana, Rosario DawsonOlga Kurylenko, Olivia Wilde, Kaley Cuoco, Hayley Atwell, Lauren Cohan, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Victoria Justice, Maria Menounos, Mila Kunis, Rosamund Pike, Margot Robbie, Nina Agdal, Shailene Woodley, Amanda Seyfried.

"B" Students: Sandra Bullock, Alice Eve, Jenna Fischer, Lena Headey, Kristen Bell, Anna Kendrick, Cobie Smulders, Rashida Jones, Danielle Harris, Nicole Beharie, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Trachtenberg, Evangeline Lilly, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Hyland, Emily Browning, Imogen Poots, Tina Fey, Karen Gillan, Rebecca Hall, Elizabeth Banks, Annet Mahendru, Emily Blunt, Emilia Clarke, Moon Bloodgood, Danielle Fishel, Keri Russell, Cameron Diaz, Rachel McAdams, Megan Fox, Aubrey Plaza, Emily Ratajkowski, Michelle Monaghan, Adrianne Palicki, Nicole Kidman, Kat Dennings, Keira Knightley, Allison Williams, Jena Malone, Rose Byrne, Maggie Grace, Jennifer Lopez, Sienna Miller.

"C" Students: Kristen Wiig, Katherine Heigl, Dakota Johnson.

"D" Students: Khloe Kardashian.

Extra Tidbit: What would YOU grade this hottie, professor?


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