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Hottie Report Card: Joanna Levesque

06.30.2017by: Droz

Most of us around here have been keeping an eye on Joanna "JoJo" Levesque's comeback over the last year or so - even those who don't care about her music. The reasons for this are obvious if you've seen any of her recent adventures. Where once she was the standard young pop star, various legal and personal issues have since conspired to take her out of the spotlight for a time. Now those issues are resolved and Joanna has made getting back into the collective mindset her top priority. One of her primary methods to accomplish those ends is to remake herself into a curvaceous, sexy, show off. Sounds like music to my ears, but how does this strategy effect JoJo's hottie grades? Let's score her while we think about scoring with her.

Unlike many a current pop star hottie, Joanna's face didn't do the thing where it completely skipped puberty at twelve and stayed childlike indefinitely. This is a good thing. Even so, I do have to wax a little nostalgic and judge Joanna's beauty sweet spot as somewhere in between her jail bait days and the start of those various issues which took her out of the spotlight for a time. Not to say she's somehow terrible to look at now. I simply deem those days I just mentioned to be her current sweet spot as far as looks are concerned.

One of the silly ironies of hotties like Joanna here is how much I appreciate what she does (or more precisely how she does it), despite having not heard a single song off her new albums. As we all know, in today's pop star world, presentation and packaging is just as important as the music. One of the packages Joanna uses to present her music is her abundant rack. Her epic boobs might be two of my current favorites, partially because they are so big and round and full, but also because Joanna shows them off as much as she does. You have to respect those kinds of efforts.

The other half of the equation making up Joanna's current hottie presentation is the ample ass she now brags on with see thru body stockings worn over thong underwear. Sounds fantastic! What better way to present an ass like JoJo's than in such attire. Actually, the best way is by wearing nothing at all. Keep your fingers crossed for her to make that ass show happen. Until then, I'll gladly take a heaping helping of all the ass displays Joanna sees fit to give us. I do love her butt.

Joanna aligns herself with the thinking of many a present day hottie no longer content to starve themselves or exist as gym rats just to maintain a freakishly thin physique. She's gonna eat and be a normal person. I'm biased toward the results of this mentality, obviously. But beyond my own intoxication with thick thighs and full hips, I have to think having real love for your favorite hottie must include support for such choices. No one should be content to see someone they enjoy forced to live a life of starvation and sadness. So you go ahead and do you, Joanna. I support you 100%.

Career has been something of a mixed bag for Joanna, due to events both beyond her control and otherwise. For awhile she was doing all the right things to further her young pop star ambitions. And then some shit happened I still don't fully understand. I guess Joanna didn't like the way her label was handling her affairs, which resulted in a legal shit storm when she tried to leave, which kept her out of the music biz for a time. This in turn led to depression and alcohol addiction, and on and on. She wouldn't be the first hot young thing to see her life plans go off the rails, but to her credit JoJo is doing her best to get back on track there. I don't know if live, on stage, same sex lap dances are the way to make that happen, but it sure looks like a winning move to me.

After all the shit Joanna has had to deal with over the last few years, it makes perfect sense to see her adopt the "f*ck it" attitude toward life she seems to have now. If she feels like getting up on stage and acting a total sex freak, she's gonna do it. If she wants to go for a walk in public with her boobs jiggling about in a string bikini top, she's gonna do that too. At this point in her life, girl clearly has no time or energy to spare for trivialities and pretense. I'm with her on that.

Check out our previous Hottie Report Cards...

"A" Students: Salma Hayek, Jennifer Aniston, Paula Patton, Gemma Arterton, Amber Heard, Lacey Chabert, Jaimie Alexander, Gillian Jacobs, Natalie Dormer, Amy Adams, Alison Brie, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Brook, Kate Mara, Eva Green, Carla Gugino, Scarlett Johansson, Kate Upton, Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lawrence, Charlize Theron, Olivia Munn, Zoe Saldana, Rosario Dawson, Olga Kurylenko, Olivia Wilde, Kaley Cuoco, Hayley Atwell, Lauren Cohan, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Victoria Justice, Maria Menounos, Mila Kunis, Rosamund Pike, Margot Robbie, Nina Agdal, Shailene Woodley, Amanda Seyfried, Christina Hendricks, Jessica Alba, Ashley Greene, Charlotte McKinney, Kate Beckinsale, Aly Michalka, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Morena Baccarin, Katy Perry, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Hilary Duff, Sara Jean Underwood, Emmy Rossum, Minka Kelly, Emma Stone, Marion Cotillard, Melissa Benoist, Ali Larter, Demi Lovato, Elle Fanning, Brie Larson, Monica Bellucci, Rachel Weisz.

"B" Students: Sandra Bullock, Alice Eve, Jenna Fischer, Lena Headey, Kristen Bell, Anna Kendrick, Cobie Smulders, Rashida Jones, Danielle Harris, Nicole Beharie, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Trachtenberg, Evangeline Lilly, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Hyland, Emily Browning, Imogen Poots, Tina Fey, Karen Gillan, Rebecca Hall, Elizabeth Banks, Annet Mahendru, Emily Blunt, Emilia Clarke, Moon Bloodgood, Danielle Fishel, Keri Russell, Cameron Diaz, Rachel McAdams, Megan Fox, Aubrey Plaza, Emily Ratajkowski, Michelle Monaghan, Adrianne Palicki, Nicole Kidman, Kat Dennings, Keira Knightley, Allison Williams, Jena Malone, Rose Byrne, Maggie Grace, Jennifer Lopez, Sienna Miller, Jordana Brewster, Felicity Jones, Blake Liveley, Elizabeth Olsen, Reese Witherspoon, Brittany Snow, Jennette McCurdy, Ronda Rousey, Bryce Dallas Howard, Alyssa Milano, Rhona Mitra, Natalie Martinez, Ashley Benson, Elizabeth Gillies, Odette Yustman, Kristen Stewart, Alicia Vikander, Kate Bosworth, Juno Temple, Zooey Deschanel, Kirsten Dunst, Bella Thorne, Deborah Ann Woll, Daisy Ridley, Sophie Turner, Emily VanCamp, Selena Gomez, Sarah Silverman, Hailee Steinfeld, Katharine McPhee, Kate Hudson, Haley Bennett, Gal Gadot, Jessica Biel, Jamie Chung, Emma Roberts, Cara Delevingne, Emma Watson, Brooklyn Decker.

"C" Students: Kristen Wiig, Katherine Heigl, Dakota Johnson, Iggy Azalea, Miley Cyrus.

"D" Students: Khloe Kardashian.

Source: Movie Hotties


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