Latest Movie Hotties Headlines

Hottie Report Card: Jennifer Lawrence

05.23.2014by: Salacious Crumb

Settle down, class! X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST  is finally here, and all week long we've been celebrating the lovely Mystique; also known as the Blue Man Group's wet dream; also known as Smurfette's hotter sister. Most importantly, the now infamous character is played by Oscar-winner Jennifer Lawrence, whose body we will be examining in this week's "Hottie Report Card". And it's about damned time, too. Obviously, this is a hottie who should've received her scholarship a long time ago, so you probably know what to expect from this professor. However, the most fun comes from what YOU schmoes have to say, and how you would grade this particular babe in blue. So, let's get out our grading pads, shall we?

I'll admit, it took a few viewings of her movies before I noticed Jennifer was a major hottie, but over time, she's grown on me faster than my uncle's hemroids. There are some schmoes out there who think otherwise, which is why I dropped the grade just a little bit, even though those schmoes are obviously on crack. I suppose what I find most alluring about Jennifer's mug is her ability to look like a goddess, as well as your average girl next door. Just don't go to the house at the end of the street.

Okay, so it might not have been the very first thing that ever "stuck out" to me, but I've become quite fond of Jennifer's rambunctious rump. Whether she be jogging, or out on the red carpet, she gets extra credit for her presentation skills here. Her photoshoot for GQ magazine may go down in history as one of the best celebrity "booty shot" photoshoots of all time. Sure, there are some less flattering candid moments of Jennifer in a bikini, which, even though she's openly embarrassed of, aren't even close to being "half-bad". Plus, anyone who saw SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK knows she looks just plain awesome in some yoga pants.

Jenn's boobs are so fantastic, I'm convinced they could carry a movie on their own, and apparently so is 20th Century Fox, as they're considering a "Mystique spin-off". I feel as if no argument is needed here. We all hope that one day we'll get to see those babies in the flesh, without being covered in blue spandex. It's not likely to happen (on purpose), but let's keep our fingers crossed. Lawrence's breasts are so fantastical, they're almost like a mutation on their own, but a very groovy mutation.

Ever since Hollywood invented Diablo Cody, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm a huge fan of Jennifer's body. As much as I just praised her curvy bits, it's no secret Jennifer has kept herself in fine shape from the beginning. Considering the insane amount of work she does, and the fact that she's an avid Bud Light drinker, her midriff should probably win a Nobel Peace Prize. I would read every single word of The Joy Luck Club if it was tattooed on Jennifer's torsoe, and I hate that book. Seriously, I hate it. But I would.

This category is usually a tough cookie to crack for me, but despite her fun-loving behavior, Jennifer actually has her shit together here. Like, really together. On the one hand, she's the star of not one, but two major film franchises, which aren't even the highlights of her career. On the other hand, she's a 23-year-old Oscar winner and two-time nominee. She's not Hollywood royalty, nor has she been acting since childhood. She easily could've coasted off of her HUNGER GAMES success for many years to come, but instead, she tried making something more of herself by giving a balls-out performance in SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK, and it worked, as it rightfully should. Really, the only reason I didn't add a "+" to this grade is that she still has plenty of time to f*ck it all up. It's not in the stars at the moment, but let's pray that doesn't happen.

Anyone who's seen how she handles herself in interviews, or any stressful situation, knows how seamless she can turn it into a laughable bit, whether it be on The Oscars or "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart". There's a comfort in being able to call Lawrence "genuine" without turning it into an adverb. She's not just genuinely attractive, or genuinely charming… Above all, she's just genuine. Never do I feel like I'm listening to your average "movie star" when Jennifer is speaking. I like that she can talk about embarrassing times she's gotten drunk, without ending the story with herself either bursting into tears or getting arrested. I LOVE that she can say "anal leakage" to David Letterman in an interview without losing an ounce of sex appeal. And then there's the side of Jennifer that's simply humane, like when she came to the aide of that fainted stranger one day while she was out for a jog. Honestly, if Lawrence isn't well-deserving of an overall "A+" grade, I have no idea who is.

Extra Tidbit: How would you have graded Jennifer Lawrence?

RECOMMENDED MOVIE NEWS

MORE FUN FROM AROUND THE WEB

Drool Back
Not registered? Sign-up!
Or

6:05PM on 05/28/2014

Absolutely beautiful but....

That ass is not an A. Is this section reviewed by a white person? Cause, it's a nice ass, but not an A.
That's my only gripe.
That ass is not an A. Is this section reviewed by a white person? Cause, it's a nice ass, but not an A.
That's my only gripe.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
3:55PM on 05/26/2014

Grades Cannot Describe her Hotness.

An A+ doesn't cut it.
An A+ doesn't cut it.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
2:37PM on 05/25/2014

Academy Awards

Jennifer Lawrence is actually an Oscar winner and three-time nominee. She was nominated for Winter's Bone, along with American Hustle and Silver Linings Playbook. I am not sure if you meant that she has one win and two additional nominations, but it read like she only has two nominations, which is incorrect.

As for Jennifer Lawrence, she really is a magnetic screen presence. Oh, and a true hottie as well.
Jennifer Lawrence is actually an Oscar winner and three-time nominee. She was nominated for Winter's Bone, along with American Hustle and Silver Linings Playbook. I am not sure if you meant that she has one win and two additional nominations, but it read like she only has two nominations, which is incorrect.

As for Jennifer Lawrence, she really is a magnetic screen presence. Oh, and a true hottie as well.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
1:08AM on 05/25/2014

She is the perfect woman

One of the few celebrity babes who truly deserves an A+
One of the few celebrity babes who truly deserves an A+
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
1:05AM on 05/25/2014

I would have given her face an A

but otherwise, I agree with the scores. She's an incredible actress, very easy on the eyes and seems like a lot of fun.
but otherwise, I agree with the scores. She's an incredible actress, very easy on the eyes and seems like a lot of fun.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
+1
6:54PM on 05/24/2014
She is number 1 on my celebrity hotties list... she is stunningly gorgeous and her personality is exactly what I look for in a girl. She is just perfect!
She is number 1 on my celebrity hotties list... she is stunningly gorgeous and her personality is exactly what I look for in a girl. She is just perfect!
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
2:16PM on 05/24/2014
This section is becoming way too biased to a certain set of actors, personally feel that the grades given in each category are way too high when compared with other high profile movie hotties :/
This section is becoming way too biased to a certain set of actors, personally feel that the grades given in each category are way too high when compared with other high profile movie hotties :/
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
-1
11:46AM on 05/24/2014
I might have dropped Face down to a B or B+, but everything else is pretty spot on.
I might have dropped Face down to a B or B+, but everything else is pretty spot on.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
8:02AM on 05/24/2014
Face, boobs and ass are closer to a B- for me. A's are too generous. Overall I'd grade her out at B-. When she's a brunette though, B+.
Face, boobs and ass are closer to a B- for me. A's are too generous. Overall I'd grade her out at B-. When she's a brunette though, B+.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
+1
8:58PM on 05/23/2014
Such a talented and beautiful actress
Such a talented and beautiful actress
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
8:54PM on 05/23/2014
I like Jenn, but not A+ like. B to B+ at most.
I like Jenn, but not A+ like. B to B+ at most.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
+1
7:23PM on 05/23/2014

What's not to love?

Completely agree with your grade, she's adorable.
Completely agree with your grade, she's adorable.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
7:17PM on 05/23/2014
Agreed
Agreed
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
6:16PM on 05/23/2014
I'm becoming a fan.
I'm becoming a fan.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
3:36PM on 05/23/2014

She is the perfect woman

Like you said, she has the ability to look like a scorching hot goddess or an extremely cute girl-next-door. It's amazing. She definitely deserves A-pluses all around.
Right now, she is the most beautiful woman in the world. Perfect face, smile, personality, body. And she's really talented and seems to only work in good-to-great movies.
Like you said, she has the ability to look like a scorching hot goddess or an extremely cute girl-next-door. It's amazing. She definitely deserves A-pluses all around.
Right now, she is the most beautiful woman in the world. Perfect face, smile, personality, body. And she's really talented and seems to only work in good-to-great movies.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
3:21PM on 05/23/2014
fucking love her thumbs me down all ya want
fucking love her thumbs me down all ya want
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
3:04PM on 05/23/2014
She is perfection. A's all across the board from me.
She is perfection. A's all across the board from me.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
+1
2:22PM on 05/23/2014

She's an A

A+ is pushing it
A+ is pushing it
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
2:18PM on 05/23/2014

Love this woman

"If she was a President, she would be Babe-raham Lincoln."
"If she was a President, she would be Babe-raham Lincoln."
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
+1
1:21PM on 05/23/2014
I understand your reasons for not giving an A+ for Career but I REALLY disagree with it. And how did she not get an A+ for Personality???
I understand your reasons for not giving an A+ for Career but I REALLY disagree with it. And how did she not get an A+ for Personality???
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
1:29PM on 05/23/2014
I get it. I kind of wanted to punch myself for not giving her the A+ for personality, but I usually chalk that grade up to "is she girlfriend material?"… Which, for the most part, she definitely is, but she's just barely a little too wild. Of course, to each his own, but I think giving her the first "A+" in Hottie Report Card history makes up for it! Cheers, mate!
I get it. I kind of wanted to punch myself for not giving her the A+ for personality, but I usually chalk that grade up to "is she girlfriend material?"… Which, for the most part, she definitely is, but she's just barely a little too wild. Of course, to each his own, but I think giving her the first "A+" in Hottie Report Card history makes up for it! Cheers, mate!
1:17PM on 05/26/2014
I understand and respect your reasoning. I disagree, but I get it too. This is why you are doing the grading, Professor! And thank you for the cool articles!!! (I don't know how many thank you folks, but I love them on a daily basis!)
I understand and respect your reasoning. I disagree, but I get it too. This is why you are doing the grading, Professor! And thank you for the cool articles!!! (I don't know how many thank you folks, but I love them on a daily basis!)
12:51PM on 05/23/2014
I think her hottie stock has definitely risen. When I think "sexy", she's not the first name that pops into mind, but gosh darn if she hasn't made quite the effort. She's got a really great body and it was so great seeing her kick so much ass in Days of Future Past. I think that's actually the sexiest she's been so far, even sexier than in American Hustle.
I think her hottie stock has definitely risen. When I think "sexy", she's not the first name that pops into mind, but gosh darn if she hasn't made quite the effort. She's got a really great body and it was so great seeing her kick so much ass in Days of Future Past. I think that's actually the sexiest she's been so far, even sexier than in American Hustle.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
12:20PM on 05/23/2014
I like her but these grades are too high. She's a butterface so her face is C+ at best and her ass should be lower, did you see those beach shots? The other grades are good though.
I like her but these grades are too high. She's a butterface so her face is C+ at best and her ass should be lower, did you see those beach shots? The other grades are good though.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
11:59AM on 05/23/2014
I can't argue with a single word here. It also took me a little longer to notice her hotness, but once I did I couldn't believe that I hadn't noticed it from the start.
I can't argue with a single word here. It also took me a little longer to notice her hotness, but once I did I couldn't believe that I hadn't noticed it from the start.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
11:46AM on 05/23/2014

She is beautiful

I would give it her a B+ though..she is a tad over hyped. I am not crazy about her personality sometimes.
I would give it her a B+ though..she is a tad over hyped. I am not crazy about her personality sometimes.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
11:20AM on 05/23/2014
I definitely agree with this. Jennifer is beautiful, talented, and seems like a lot of fun too.
I definitely agree with this. Jennifer is beautiful, talented, and seems like a lot of fun too.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
11:12AM on 05/23/2014

yup

i sure do agree with this... A's all around for Miss Lawrence
i sure do agree with this... A's all around for Miss Lawrence
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
View All Comments

Latest Movie News Headlines


Top
Loading...

Featured Youtube Videos

Views and Counting

Movie Hottie Of The Week

More

Latest Hot Celebrity Pictures

More
molly-quinnmolly-quinnmolly-quinnmolly-quinn