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Hottie Report Card: Jennette McCurdy

05.22.2015by: Salacious Crumb

If you're like me and have several episodes of SAM & CAT saved on your DVR, you'll most definitely be familiar with this week's hottie student. You may be surprised to see Jennette McCurdy being put to the test before some of her Nickeloeon counterparts (Ariana Grande, Elizabeth Gillies), but her consistent work as well as her brand new series make her more than qualified. Only in this day and age can you binge watch an entire season of a show on the same day of its premiere, and it's all thanks to Netflix. Just yesterday, they premiered season one of BETWEEN, which revolves around a civilization of nothing but 21-and-unders living in a HUNGER GAMES type of scenario. With her typical on-camera rebellion attitude, I'm betting she'll survive the first six episodes. But onto a more important matter: where does McCurdy stand on a grand scale of hotties? Let's discuss this topic while, of course, ogling pictures!

First of all, let me acknowledge my awareness that Jennette is our 3rd or 4th blonde hottie student in a row, thus making May the 'Month of the Blondies", inadvertently. With that said, you may be wondering about the seemingly low score here, which should really be taken lightly considering this is based on a scale of the hottest women in the world. While there's no doubt I consider Jennette a hottie, the simple fact is her face, while adorable and attractive, is not what has me looking up pictures of her on a Sunday afternoon. Plus she reminds me a little bit of Cindy Lou Who, and we all know what she ultimately transformed into.

After weeks of complaining about hotties who refuse to share the curvature of their beautiful behinds with the desperate public, here's a hottie who finally gets it. Despite not quite breaking ground as a "Nick chick"-turned-sex symbol, Jennette has managed to make her derriere fairly well-known among hottie lovers, especially through her Instagram account. That said, it is quite an esquisite rump of rumps, set aside her willingness to show off her profile shot. Again, much appreciated.

Of all the Nickelodeon chickelodeons, McCurdy may be the one who exceeds the most in this particular subject. I suppose you need to have been paying as much attention as a giant pervert such as myself, but trust me, over the years Jennette's bust has shown lots of promise. At red carpet events, she's not one to shy away from giving her McFlirties some much needed fresh air. 

Again, it's tough to talk smack on anyone in this subject when I myself have worse cankles than that guy in MAD MAX: FURY ROAD. Luckily, as with many hotties as of late, there's not much smack to be talked when it comes to McCurdy's finely tuned physique. Sadly, at almost 23-years-old, we haven't gotten quite as many bikini candids or lingerie photoshoots as I suspected we might a couple of years ago. Hopefully that's bound to change, but even if not, she's done her homework in this, and has passed with flying colors.

After appearing for several years on the popular Nick series iCARLY, Jennette had moved on to bigger and better things: SAM & CAT. As you may know, that series wound up getting cancelled, with buzz revolving around a possible feud between the show's two co-stars. Aside from her new Netflix show BETWEEN, there's not a whole lot to be discovered on her Imdb page. That said, it feels a bit wrong giving such a low score, considering she's one of the least commercial "pop princess" types to crawl out of Nickelodeon in the recent years.

While there were fluffs of rumors spreading about during the cencellation of the classic sitcom SAM & CAT, I refuse to believe it had anything to do with Jennette being difficult to work with. I'm not one to brag about my days spent as an extra in Hollywood, working for minimum wage and eating leftover hotdogs, but I think it may be worth mentioning here. Yes, Salacious Crumb has appeared in the blurred backgrounds of many iCARLY and VICTORIOUS episodes. Several times, I would be eating lunch and observing the actors and actresses on the program right outside of Nickelodeon Studios. Let me tell you, any time some little kid chased down McCurdy, she was extremely sweet to them, willing to take whatever picture or sign whatever object her fans wanted. She also seems very laid back in general, which may or may not be a reflection of her portrayal as "Sam". In any case, I consider McCurdy a damned fine hottie, and one whom I would gladly cover head-to-toe in my green goo. Too much?

Check out our previous Hottie Report Cards...

"A" Students: Salma Hayek, Jennifer Aniston, Paula Patton, Gemma Arterton, Amber Heard, Lacey Chabert, Jaimie Alexander, Gillian Jacobs, Natalie Dormer, Amy Adams, Alison Brie, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Brook, Kate Mara, Eva Green, Carla Gugino, Scarlett Johansson, Kate Upton, Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lawrence, Charlize Theron, Olivia MunnZoe Saldana, Rosario DawsonOlga Kurylenko, Olivia Wilde, Kaley Cuoco, Hayley Atwell, Lauren Cohan, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Victoria Justice, Maria Menounos, Mila Kunis, Rosamund Pike, Margot Robbie, Nina Agdal, Shailene Woodley, Amanda Seyfried, Christina Hendricks.

"B" Students: Sandra Bullock, Alice Eve, Jenna Fischer, Lena Headey, Kristen Bell, Anna Kendrick, Cobie Smulders, Rashida Jones, Danielle Harris, Nicole Beharie, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Trachtenberg, Evangeline Lilly, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Hyland, Emily Browning, Imogen Poots, Tina Fey, Karen Gillan, Rebecca Hall, Elizabeth Banks, Annet Mahendru, Emily Blunt, Emilia Clarke, Moon Bloodgood, Danielle Fishel, Keri Russell, Cameron Diaz, Rachel McAdams, Megan Fox, Aubrey Plaza, Emily Ratajkowski, Michelle Monaghan, Adrianne Palicki, Nicole Kidman, Kat Dennings, Keira Knightley, Allison Williams, Jena Malone, Rose Byrne, Maggie Grace, Jennifer Lopez, Sienna Miller, Jordana Brewster, Felicity Jones, Blake Liveley, Elizabeth Olsen, Reese Witherspoon, Brittany Snow.

"C" Students: Kristen Wiig, Katherine Heigl, Dakota Johnson.

"D" Students: Khloe Kardashian.


Extra Tidbit: How do YOU rate this hottie, professor?


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