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Hottie Report Card: Felicity Jones

04.17.2015by: Salacious Crumb

It's an exciting time for anyone with an unwrapped STAR WARS Pez despenser, due to the many announcements and teases coming directly from the Star Wars Celebration 2015. We've already gotten to see Harrison Ford with a hipster haircut, so who knows what other tricks J.J. Abrams has up his endless sleeve for the weekend? Perhaps we'll get some more news on the franchise's first spin-off ROGUE ONE, since Felicity Jones remains the only announced cast member. The English actress really seems to have blown up faster than a popcorn kernal in the last several months. Many schmoes are probably still pretty unfamiliar with her, while others have praised her perrformance in THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING, which landed her an Oscar nomination. Regardless, everyone seems to be in agreement that Felicity is a hottie, and she's in movies. This weekend, you can catch her alongside Jonah Hill and James Franco in the stoner comedy crime-drama TRUE STORY. So with that settled, where does she stand on our grand scale of gorgeous actresses? Let's attempt to answer the impossible with the help of magnificent pictures! 

The pouty lips and semitransparent freckles are two elements that bind with tremendous glory. This is especially true when added to that mysterious beauty all English hotties possess, yet seem completely oblivious to. Whatever it is, she makes it work around the little bit of a tomboy thing she's got going on as well (at least that's the impression I get). From the little I've seen of her acting, she seems to have a lot of charisma and can send off emotions very well, which is probably heavily due to her facial features. Hell, even her weird haircuts are cute. Yeah, I said it. Cute.

Sometimes I feel like changing this subject around to something like "legs" or "style", subjects I would have more to wax poetic about in regards to Felicity than her backside. It's not that it's unattractive at all, but as usual, we have very little to go by when it comes to photographic evidence of it's existense. This seems to be the case with many newcoming hotties, which is a damned shame if you ask me. I nearly opted to write about the legs, but I figured it's only fair to the other hotties who received similar results. Sadly, it even seems as if Felicity intentionally avoids over-the-shoulder poses at public events. What for? Probably to keep neckbeard bloggers from writing about her ass on the internet... Mission failed, Jones.

Now this is more like it! Don't get me wrong, I still have tunnel vision from ogling all the Christina Hendricks images from last week, but I already consider myself an admirer of Felicity's rack. Well, at least the fact that she doesn't keep it hidden away at all times. While I fear she's too shy in regards to the previous subject, I kinda dig the modest middleground she's found with her sweater kittens. She doesn't put on a parade with them, but she does make them noticable, and she usually makes sure to give them a fashionable presentation. 

As usual with just about every hottie who makes it into this class, the answer is quite obvious once you lay eyes on the lady. Okay, so we still might have to wait awhile before those bikini candids start popping up and everyone can throw in their official two cents, but I believe that will be a good day. Of course, I've already stated that I'm cool with the way she's taking the reveal of her body at a slow pace. That said, if she spends her entire role in ROGUE ONE wearing a gold string bikini, I won't walk out of the theater... ever.

You can't talk smack when someone with a face as fresh as Felicity's is already an Academy Award nominee, not to mention the only set star in what is bound to be one of the biggest hits of 2016, ROGUE ONE. I can't complain, nor can I sing her praises because, regretfully, I have yet to see a ton of her work. The most I've seen is that of her work in CHALET GIRL, which gave me the impression that she's a fun and energetic actress to work with. It also features ascene where Felicity's wearing nothing but snowgloves, so that's a plus. We'll see how TRUE STORY (a.k.a. TRUE STORY, BRO) effects any of this, if at all, after the weekend.

All that's been said about her on-camera charisma probably holds true, but this student's only been around for one semester and I don't know if I can truly say I know her. Naturally, this will take time, and we'll most certainly get to know her better over the next year. However, I get the feeling Felicity is not your average movie hottie, in the sense that she seems to be taking a different route. I could be wrong, but there's something to be said about the fact that she isn't all over the media, yet she still seems to be making her way to the top. That either tells us she's simply a likeable ball of joy, or she's just really, really good at making pastries. And I love pastries.

Check out our previous Hottie Report Cards...

"A" Students: Salma Hayek, Jennifer Aniston, Paula Patton, Gemma Arterton, Amber Heard, Lacey Chabert, Jaimie Alexander, Gillian Jacobs, Natalie Dormer, Amy Adams, Alison Brie, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Brook, Kate Mara, Eva Green, Carla Gugino, Scarlett Johansson, Kate Upton, Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lawrence, Charlize Theron, Olivia MunnZoe Saldana, Rosario DawsonOlga Kurylenko, Olivia Wilde, Kaley Cuoco, Hayley Atwell, Lauren Cohan, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Victoria Justice, Maria Menounos, Mila Kunis, Rosamund Pike, Margot Robbie, Nina Agdal, Shailene Woodley, Amanda Seyfried, Christina Hendricks.

"B" Students: Sandra Bullock, Alice Eve, Jenna Fischer, Lena Headey, Kristen Bell, Anna Kendrick, Cobie Smulders, Rashida Jones, Danielle Harris, Nicole Beharie, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Trachtenberg, Evangeline Lilly, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Hyland, Emily Browning, Imogen Poots, Tina Fey, Karen Gillan, Rebecca Hall, Elizabeth Banks, Annet Mahendru, Emily Blunt, Emilia Clarke, Moon Bloodgood, Danielle Fishel, Keri Russell, Cameron Diaz, Rachel McAdams, Megan Fox, Aubrey Plaza, Emily Ratajkowski, Michelle Monaghan, Adrianne Palicki, Nicole Kidman, Kat Dennings, Keira Knightley, Allison Williams, Jena Malone, Rose Byrne, Maggie Grace, Jennifer Lopez, Sienna Miller, Jordana Brewster.

"C" Students: Kristen Wiig, Katherine Heigl, Dakota Johnson.

"D" Students: Khloe Kardashian.

Extra Tidbit: How would YOU grade this hottie, professor?

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