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Hottie Report Card: Elizabeth Olsen

05.01.2015by: Salacious Crumb

Indeed, THE AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON has finally struck theaters, as you may have noticed from the mile-long lines stretching from your local movie theater entrance. Are you pumped up? Are you ready to Hulk smash your fists into some buttery popcorn? Of course, it only makes sense that the desired hottie of the week would be ScarJo, a hottie student who was already put to the test around this time last year. This time around, it seems as though the AVENGERS cast has expanded, and one of the most significant newbies happens to be Scarlet Witch, as portrayed by Elizabeth Olsen. Obviously, her character already possesses mind-controlling hottie powers, but where does Elizabeth actually place amongst a grand scale of hotties? Yes, this is a bold question, and one which requires some strict studying. Will you join me on this quest?

As someone whose childhood was plagued with a swarm of seemingly endless Olsen twins flicks, it took a while for me to get used to the idea of yet another Olsen starring in movies. This made it difficult to lay eyes on Elizabeth without thinking of the "Full House" child stars, but I think it's safe to conclude that she's reached a point where she stands out on her own. The youthfulness of her look has also held me back from fully embracing her hotness, steering it more towards "cuteness", but I think the 26-year-old has been developing her "womanhood" more and more, especially as of late.

Again, as saddened as I am, I simply cannot tolerate my students keeping their derrieres hidden away from the cameras all the time, not if they want a good grade in this subject, anyway. Of course, there's been some recorded evidence which may favor the presumed excellence of Elizabeth's butt. However, she's guilty of the same unfortunate shortcoming of many other hotties, which as a major lack of butt shots online. Call me an unreasonable pig, but if this grade motivates Elizabeth to give just one over-the-shoulder pose, it was worth it.

While I wish there was more to jump for joy about in regards to the previous subject, Lizzy makes up for it here. When it comes to photoshoots and red carpet appearances, it's clear she makes a conscious effort to bedazzle the crowds with her very own Mary-Kate and Ashley. Furthermore, she's also given them some very decent exposure in front of the camera. Check out OLDBOY if you want to view this hottie in a whole new light.

As per usual, this grade is easy to defend, since a generally attractive physique is basically a prerequisite for entering this class. Although I may not have felt this way a few years ago, I think Elizabeth's body has evolved in a way that stabilizes her postition as a "movie hottie". Such an opinion is made even more evident by her latest role as Scarlet Witch, which required her to look like a deity of sexual manipulation.

Admittedly, I wasn't sold on the idea of yet another Olsen tip-toeing into the industry, with seemingly no reputation other than a blood relation to the famous twins. However, like a pop song on the radio, I'm ready to give in to the Hollywood agenda Elizabeth's success, conspiracy or none. At least she puts in a considerate amount of actual work into playing her characters. At least she's gone out of her way to make her mark as an individual actress, not to mention, she's certainly put in her hours as a "movie hottie". Her roles in OLDBOY and VERY GOOD GIRLS are prime examples of this.

When growing up in the shadows of her superstar twin sisters (and while bearing an almost uncanny resemblance to them), it may have been difficult to make a smooth transformation into a "normal" adulthood. That said, she spent most of her childhood performing in theater, which led to her having an arguably more successful career than her siblings. Furthermore, while Elizabeth may be somewhat caught in the web of typical Hollywood self-indulgence (owning a clothing line and all), it's very easy to forgive when you see how charming and laid back she is in person. Of course, she might just be hypnotizing us with her witchiness. Who knows?

Check out our previous Hottie Report Cards...

"A" Students: Salma Hayek, Jennifer Aniston, Paula Patton, Gemma Arterton, Amber Heard, Lacey Chabert, Jaimie Alexander, Gillian Jacobs, Natalie Dormer, Amy Adams, Alison Brie, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Brook, Kate Mara, Eva Green, Carla Gugino, Scarlett Johansson, Kate Upton, Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lawrence, Charlize Theron, Olivia MunnZoe Saldana, Rosario DawsonOlga Kurylenko, Olivia Wilde, Kaley Cuoco, Hayley Atwell, Lauren Cohan, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Victoria Justice, Maria Menounos, Mila Kunis, Rosamund Pike, Margot Robbie, Nina Agdal, Shailene Woodley, Amanda Seyfried, Christina Hendricks.

"B" Students: Sandra Bullock, Alice Eve, Jenna Fischer, Lena Headey, Kristen Bell, Anna Kendrick, Cobie Smulders, Rashida Jones, Danielle Harris, Nicole Beharie, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Trachtenberg, Evangeline Lilly, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Hyland, Emily Browning, Imogen Poots, Tina Fey, Karen Gillan, Rebecca Hall, Elizabeth Banks, Annet Mahendru, Emily Blunt, Emilia Clarke, Moon Bloodgood, Danielle Fishel, Keri Russell, Cameron Diaz, Rachel McAdams, Megan Fox, Aubrey Plaza, Emily Ratajkowski, Michelle Monaghan, Adrianne Palicki, Nicole Kidman, Kat Dennings, Keira Knightley, Allison Williams, Jena Malone, Rose Byrne, Maggie Grace, Jennifer Lopez, Sienna Miller, Jordana Brewster, Felicity Jones, Blake Liveley.

"C" Students: Kristen Wiig, Katherine Heigl, Dakota Johnson.

"D" Students: Khloe Kardashian.

Extra Tidbit: How would you rate Elizabeth on a grand scale of hotties, professor?


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