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Hottie Report Card: Elizabeth Gillies

07.31.2015by: Salacious Crumb

A handful of you probably just sighed over the fact that old Prof. Crumb is inducting yet another student from the Nickelodeon universe into the Hottie Class of 2015. That's understandable, but as the producers who remade VACATION would respond to the public's outcry, "too bad". Besides, I trust that the lot of you are totally fine with ogling some pictures of my personal favorite "nick chick",  Elizabeth GilliesSome may argue that Gillies is a little too new to the hottie scene, but on the contrary, she started popping up around these parts as early as 2011. She started out strong, and she continues to get hotter. She's also currently starring on FX's Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll, which only seems to guarantee even more hotness. So why the eff not discuss where she places on a grand scale of gorgeous actresses?

It doesn't get much closer to perfection than this, although perhaps this is a bit too close. When it comes to hotties with drawn-on eyebrows, sometimes further speculation is required. Regardless, Liz is a natural-born, doll-like princess who seems to be developing into some kind of Lara Croft/Jessica Rabbit hybrid. I know, an odd way to describe a person above the shoulders, but I think you get the point. And just in case the picture below confuses anyone: no, this is not the Halloween edition.

Consider this professor a longtime fan, not just of the luggage Gillies is hauling around in her back seat, but the posture... This is a girl who's mother tipped her well on the proper way to present a dress. The effort alone deserves an applause, but her wicked curves call for a standing ovation. As usual, it wouldn't hurt if we got a better look in, say, a Maxim magazine spread or something, that "minus" just might magically disappear.

Gillies switches places with last week's student body, Ashley Benson, on the T&A spectrum of things, though just barely. There's a lot to appreciate about Liz's "T", but she's a little behind as far as presentation, which Benson nailed. I know she was just on a network for children a few years ago, but that hasn't stopped Miley Cyrus for showing off everything on a silver platter. Am I saying Liz should look to Hanna Banana as an example? If that's what it takes to get her shirt off, so be it.

I don't know what they feed those kids at Nickelodeon Studios, but something tells me it chemically mutates actresses into super-hotties by the time they reach their twenties. Liz is no exception. In fact, out of the bunch, I'd probably give her the First Place ribbon over Victoria Justice (yeah, I said it). I've already made my point about Elizabeth's splendiferous posture, which only compliments her rockin' and rollin' body more that I ever could. Simply magnificent.

As priorly mentioned, you can currently see Elizabeth on "Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll", which also stars rent-a-comic Dennis Learly. (Hey, I love THE REF as much as the next schmoe, but there's a reason he was so good at portraying a thief). Some of you are probably more familiar with her work on "Victorious", which you "watched with your kids". Whatever way you like to perv out on Gillies is your choice, but none of her projects have particularly been winners. However, considering how far she's come in just a few years, and considering her recently elevated popularity, there will be plenty of room (and time) for improvement in this subject.

Should I be embarrassed to admit that I occasionally check up on Gillies via Instagram? No more than I should for writing a column about boobs and butts, I suppose. Anyway, aside from the fact that Liz's personal pics are far sexier than most of her professional photoshoots, she also happens to be quite funny at times. Hilarious, even. It's actually somewhat sad that she doesn't seem to get much opportunity to show it off, even though she primarily gets roles in comedies. She does pranks, throws curveballs and f*cks around with her fans. Oh, and did I mention she actually plays instruments? All this to say, there's still a lot we need to learn about Liz, so let's hope she takes some of our heartfelt advice.

Check out our previous Hottie Report Cards...

"A" Students: Salma Hayek, Jennifer Aniston, Paula Patton, Gemma Arterton, Amber Heard, Lacey Chabert, Jaimie Alexander, Gillian Jacobs, Natalie Dormer, Amy Adams, Alison Brie, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Brook, Kate Mara, Eva Green, Carla Gugino, Scarlett Johansson, Kate Upton, Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lawrence, Charlize Theron, Olivia Munn, Zoe Saldana, Rosario Dawson, Olga Kurylenko, Olivia Wilde, Kaley Cuoco, Hayley Atwell, Lauren Cohan, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Victoria Justice, Maria Menounos, Mila Kunis, Rosamund Pike, Margot Robbie, Nina Agdal, Shailene Woodley, Amanda Seyfried, Christina Hendricks, Jessica Alba, Ashley Greene, Charlotte McKinney.

"B" Students: Sandra Bullock, Alice Eve, Jenna Fischer, Lena Headey, Kristen Bell, Anna Kendrick, Cobie Smulders, Rashida Jones, Danielle Harris, Nicole Beharie, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Trachtenberg, Evangeline Lilly, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Hyland, Emily Browning, Imogen Poots, Tina Fey, Karen Gillan, Rebecca Hall, Elizabeth Banks, Annet Mahendru, Emily Blunt, Emilia Clarke, Moon Bloodgood, Danielle Fishel, Keri Russell, Cameron Diaz, Rachel McAdams, Megan Fox, Aubrey Plaza, Emily Ratajkowski, Michelle Monaghan, Adrianne Palicki, Nicole Kidman, Kat Dennings, Keira Knightley, Allison Williams, Jena Malone, Rose Byrne, Maggie Grace, Jennifer Lopez, Sienna Miller, Jordana Brewster, Felicity Jones, Blake Liveley, Elizabeth Olsen, Reese Witherspoon, Brittany Snow, Jennette McCurdy, Ronda Rousey, Bryce Dallas Howard, Alyssa Milano, Rhona Mitra, Natalie Martinez, Ashley Benson.

"C" Students: Kristen Wiig, Katherine Heigl, Dakota Johnson.

"D" Students: Khloe Kardashian.

Extra Tidbit: How would you rate this hottie, professor?
Source: MovieHotties

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