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Hottie Report Card: Carla Gugino

03.28.2014by: Salacious Crumb

In the comments of last week's report card, dseal22 on Movie Fan Central recommended an actress whose radiant hotness is impossible to deny, Carla Gugino. I believe I've seen her name tossed around by you schmoes before, but she hasn't had any big movie releases since the column started. That doesn't change this week by any means, but dammit, I just felt like sharing spicy images of Carla so that we can all gaze at them in simultaneous awe. It's about time.

I've never thought of Carla's face as one of features that attracts me to her. This is likely due Carla's habbit of distracting us with other parts of her anatomy, so I probably just didn't notice. At public events, Carla seems to use a significant amount of make-up, but I don't consider that cheating in her case. At the same time, there's something about Carla's mug that draws me in, as if it's calling out to me, like a siren. I suppose the term is "come-hither", but her look is seductive in a way that it seems like she's barely trying to be seductive.

Here's a subject I've paid little attention to when it comes to Gugino, but to my befuddlement, she has a nice and shapely bum. I shouldn't be surprised, I guess. It just took some research to enlighten me to the beautiful bottom-half of Carla. I have an enormous deal of respect for this hottie, so I don't mean to sound crude, but I would gladly take her bottom half out for a nice, PG-rated brunch.

While I can say with certainty that she's a very curvaceous specimen in all the right ways, this is the part of Carla that had me hooked at first sight. Somehow, Carla's managed to create all sorts of different kinds of cleavage with her shapeshifting bosom, or "rack of all trades". I honestly don't think words can do them justice. They're simple spectacular.

I think the "fitness" category specifically comes in handy when the lady in question has been in the business for a long while. At 42-years-old, Carla has nothing to be ashamed of, at least as far as we can tell (she could be wearing 4 layers of Spanx). In the 20+ years she's been making us drool, she's kept her body pretty much the same, and she shows no sign of completely going Colleen Camp on our asses.

Carla hasn't been super active career-wise as of late, which is as strange as it is unfortunate. To mainstream audiences, she's basically known as the hot female love interest in films like MR. POPPER'S PENGUINS, RACE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN and NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM. To us, she's Elektra Luxx in ELEKTRA LUXX, Silk Spectre in THE WATCHMEN, Lucille in SIN CITY, and most importantly, Becca Warner in SON IN LAW. She's also appeared frequently on "Entourage", "Californication" and "New Girl". Sure, she's not one of Hollywood's goddesses worthy of pointless gossip, but she's a fan favorite, and a goddess nonetheless.

I know very little about Carla other than the fact that she's an actress and she's grateful for being an actress. That sort of attitude goes a long way, but I can't say I know enough about Carla to make a solid judgement in this category. That aside, holy crap, check out the cleavage in this next image!

Extra Tidbit: How would you grade Carla Gugino?


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