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Hottie Report Card: Bryce Dallas Howard

06.12.2015by: Salacious Crumb

Last week we roused ourselves by putting Ronda Rousey to the test, and it seemed the majority of schmoes wouldn't argue against letting a strong woman like her pin them down. As for this week, I can't help but throw even more Bryce Dallas Howard in your face, as she'll be the main attraction when we enter the gates of JURASSIC WORLD this weekend. While I realize you may have already gotten an eyeful of Mr. Ron Howard's daughter in the latest edition of Hot or Not, but she passed that test with flying colors, so I figured I'd toss her a bone (or at least a fossil). Gives us all the more reason to find out where she ranks on the grand scale of beautiful actresses. More importantly, this would make Bryce our 100th hottie student to be featured in this column! Oh, Happy Days! So turn off your damn cellphones, put on your ogling caps and let's get to down to serious business!

I'll probably regret not going higher on this grade in the near future, because just like fine Miller High Life, Bryce is only getting better with age. Not that 10 years ago she resembled Earl Sneed Sinclair, but there was something rather alien-like about her when she first came on the scene, in films like THE VILLAGE and LADY IN THE WATER. Even as stunning as she is today, a little bit of that eeriness lingers on. I guess once that Shyamalan weirdness gets on you, you can't scrub it off all the way.

Despite the fact that Bryce is more of a b-rachiosaurus rather than a DD-rachiosaurus, she deserves a fair amount of recognition for keeping up with the "quota". In 2005, she appeared topless in the drama film MANDERLAY, and as made evident by a recent JURASSIC WORLD premiere, she's learning to make use of them on the red carpet as well. Over all, I lack any remotely negative thoughts towards Bryce in this subject. These pebbles just don't make me scream "bam-bam!", but perhaps someday they will.

Here's an area on Bryce's anatomical globe I wouldn't mind exploring. Though my memory's a bit fuzzy, I'm certain there have been moments in the past where Dallas's derriere caught us by surprise. Nothing that would make you skip work for the day, mind you, but those Bryce's bottom showed lots of promise in various paparazzi candids (like this one or this one). Unfortunately, she's also done a pretty good job keeping it out of our vision for the majority of her career, at least until this most recent press tour. Keep it up, BDH, and you may become one of the greats.

Yet another aspect of this hottie that keeps progressing with age. After her second pregnancy, Bryce snapped right back into her old self so quickly, you'd think she paid Industrial Light & Magic to pull it off. However, seeing how there's no proof, I'll just have to believe it was a lot of hard work on her part. Motherhood looks great on her, as some may argue her true "old self" was a tad too skinny, or perhaps her poofy hair just made it seem that way.

This category is what separates Bryce from most of the pack, depending on your point of view. While it's nearly impossible to believe her daddy (Ron Howard) didn't jump-start career as an actress, she really got started on her own. In fact, Bryce landed the title role of LADY IN THE WATER because M. Night Shyamalan caught her performance in a Broadway presentation. She didn't even have to audition, and I doubt it was because he was just a huge "Happy Days" fan.* Bryce's career took off from there, and she went on to appear in SPIDER-MAN 3, TERMINATOR: SALVATION and THE TWILIGHT SAGA, which were all great movies!... Okay, bad examples, but she also showed off some dramatic chops in THE HELP and 50/50. Oh, and she can make herself cry on command. Didn't you know?

*Did not check facts on whether or not M. Night Shyamalan loves "Happy Days".

We've already established by now that this foxy redhead makes us hornier than a styracosaurus (that was the last bad dinosaur pun, I swear). But let's use this topic to say some polite things about Bryce, before someone labels me a misogynist pig (I'm looking at you, Joss Whedon). Aside from apparently being the opposite of nepotistic, I don't know if anyone can watch Bryce in an interview for the first time and immediately love her more. Despite admittedly dealing with depression earlier in her career, she's heavy on the laughs and seems to project energy and joy. When it comes to controversy of any size or shape, she handles it the most mature, cool or nonchalant way possible. Fun fact: Bryce's godfather is Henry Winkler, a.k.a. "The Fonz".

Check out our previous Hottie Report Cards...

"A" Students: Salma Hayek, Jennifer Aniston, Paula Patton, Gemma Arterton, Amber Heard, Lacey Chabert, Jaimie Alexander, Gillian Jacobs, Natalie Dormer, Amy Adams, Alison Brie, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Brook, Kate Mara, Eva Green, Carla Gugino, Scarlett Johansson, Kate Upton, Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lawrence, Charlize Theron, Olivia Munn, Zoe Saldana, Rosario Dawson, Olga Kurylenko, Olivia Wilde, Kaley Cuoco, Hayley Atwell, Lauren Cohan, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Victoria Justice, Maria Menounos, Mila Kunis, Rosamund Pike, Margot Robbie, Nina Agdal, Shailene Woodley, Amanda Seyfried, Christina Hendricks, Jessica Alba.

"B" Students: Sandra Bullock, Alice Eve, Jenna Fischer, Lena Headey, Kristen Bell, Anna Kendrick, Cobie Smulders, Rashida Jones, Danielle Harris, Nicole Beharie, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Trachtenberg, Evangeline Lilly, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Hyland, Emily Browning, Imogen Poots, Tina Fey, Karen Gillan, Rebecca Hall, Elizabeth Banks, Annet Mahendru, Emily Blunt, Emilia Clarke, Moon Bloodgood, Danielle Fishel, Keri Russell, Cameron Diaz, Rachel McAdams, Megan Fox, Aubrey Plaza, Emily Ratajkowski, Michelle Monaghan, Adrianne Palicki, Nicole Kidman, Kat Dennings, Keira Knightley, Allison Williams, Jena Malone, Rose Byrne, Maggie Grace, Jennifer Lopez, Sienna Miller, Jordana Brewster, Felicity Jones, Blake Liveley, Elizabeth Olsen, Reese Witherspoon, Brittany Snow, Jennette McCurdy, Ronda Rousey.

"C" Students: Kristen Wiig, Katherine Heigl, Dakota Johnson.

"D" Students: Khloe Kardashian.

Extra Tidbit: What would you grade this hottie, professor?
Source: MovieHotties


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