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Hottie Report Card: Ashley Greene

06.19.2015by: Salacious Crumb

Sit up straight. Silence your phones. Stop playing Fallout Shelter. It's that time again to see where one beautiful star or starlet places on a completely reverential "grand scale" of hotties. Out of the 100 students we've now officially put to the test, it's surprising that fan favorite Ashley Greene is nowhere to be found in the bunch. This may be partially due to the riddance of TWILIGHT Mania over the last couple of years, but it was a small price to pay. Now Ashley's moving on from being a shag-worthy vampire to being a shag-worthy zombie in BURYING THE EX, which sees a limited release and the VOD treatment this weekend. As you may know, the zom-com is directed by original GREMLINS helmer Joe Dante, and also features Alexandra Daddario (whose report card you can find here). So without further adieu, let's observe the virtues of this student body, before it decomposes! Okay, that was dark...

As you may have picked up on by now, I've always sort of had a thing for this hottie student (don't tell the dean). That said, the favoritism may play a role in why I deem Greene an 'A' student from the chin up. Others may think she popped right out of a DeviantArt drawing, which isn't a negative thing, per se (unless your one of these girls). Some, like myself, consider Ashley the near-perfect combo of "cute" and "hot", like chipmunks and magma. At times, in her skinniest state, she may begin to resemble a mantis, but that is one mantis I'd like to cannibalize.

There's plenty to be admired in this region of Ashley's expertise, a term I use mostly because of her proficiency when it comes to presentation. Over the years, she's brought on some pleasant surprises in various magazine spreads. Her SoBe bodypaint ad was one of the highlights of her modeling career and my life. If there's anything holding me back from pushing this grade any higher, it's that most of the pair's glimmering moments took place more than 2 years ago, and they're due for a return. Hopefully, Daddario has given her some pointers on how to give them a proper on-camera introduction.

On to perhaps the most vexed topic of all: butts. Like many, I've admired Ashley's arse for longer than I can remember, and I'm not going to deny that. The admiration was mainly influenced by how comfortable she seemed to be with showing it off, or in other words, letting us get a gander. Truthfully, not as many rising hottie stars are willing to make such bold moves as we'd like to think, and Ashley didn't seem to mind one iota. She even did the whole "underwear butt in a bad horror movie" cliche in THE APPARITION, which was much appreciated

Despite those moments when she looks like she may have skippes a brain or two, Ashley has been in tiptop shape throughout her career. She's rightfully appeared in all sorts of fitness magazines, most recently in Women's Healthand seems to be some sort of aerobics addict. The years of strict dieting probably aslo factors in, but the most important aspect is the quantity of masterpiece-status bikini photos. I can assure you, there are plenty.

Having gotten her start in a 2005 episode of MTV's "Punk'd", followed years later by a role as a McDonalds customer in KING OF CALIFORNIA, I'd say things have wound up like a traditional Hollywood fairytale for Greene. Although, she admitted that the immense TWILIGHT fandom was getting "scary", and she recently resigned from playing the character ever again. The good news is there's plenty of time for Ashley to play some juicy juicy characters with new challenges... or she and Olivia Wilde can just do a sequel to BUTTER.

My undying affection for this hottie has been made very clear, but now comes the time I must shamefully admit I barely jack shit about this Ashley's characteristics or mannerisms. In most interviews, she seems like she's just doing her job, selling whatever project she's there to sell, and who could blame her? After half a decade of year-round TWILIGHT press, that shit can get exhausting. I know she had originally intended to be a model, but her dreams were crushed when Joe Schmo told her she was too short. That said, she's getting the last laugh now, having appeared on numerous magazine covers. That shortstack model within may be what makes Ashley a natural born movie hottie.

Check out our previous Hottie Report Cards...

"A" Students: Salma Hayek, Jennifer Aniston, Paula Patton, Gemma Arterton, Amber Heard, Lacey Chabert, Jaimie Alexander, Gillian Jacobs, Natalie Dormer, Amy Adams, Alison Brie, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Brook, Kate Mara, Eva Green, Carla Gugino, Scarlett Johansson, Kate Upton, Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lawrence, Charlize Theron, Olivia Munn, Zoe Saldana, Rosario Dawson, Olga Kurylenko, Olivia Wilde, Kaley Cuoco, Hayley Atwell, Lauren Cohan, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Victoria Justice, Maria Menounos, Mila Kunis, Rosamund Pike, Margot Robbie, Nina Agdal, Shailene Woodley, Amanda Seyfried, Christina Hendricks, Jessica Alba.

"B" Students: Sandra Bullock, Alice Eve, Jenna Fischer, Lena Headey, Kristen Bell, Anna Kendrick, Cobie Smulders, Rashida Jones, Danielle Harris, Nicole Beharie, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Trachtenberg, Evangeline Lilly, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Hyland, Emily Browning, Imogen Poots, Tina Fey, Karen Gillan, Rebecca Hall, Elizabeth Banks, Annet Mahendru, Emily Blunt, Emilia Clarke, Moon Bloodgood, Danielle Fishel, Keri Russell, Cameron Diaz, Rachel McAdams, Megan Fox, Aubrey Plaza, Emily Ratajkowski, Michelle Monaghan, Adrianne Palicki, Nicole Kidman, Kat Dennings, Keira Knightley, Allison Williams, Jena Malone, Rose Byrne, Maggie Grace, Jennifer Lopez, Sienna Miller, Jordana Brewster, Felicity Jones, Blake Liveley, Elizabeth Olsen, Reese Witherspoon, Brittany Snow, Jennette McCurdy, Ronda Rousey, Bryce Dallas Howard.

"C" Students: Kristen Wiig, Katherine Heigl, Dakota Johnson.

"D" Students: Khloe Kardashian.

Extra Tidbit: What do YOU rank this hottie, professor?
Source: MovieHotties


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