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Hottie Report Card: Anna Kendrick

09.06.2013by: Salacious Crumb

Last week, fellow Movie Fan Central user dseal22 suggested we study Anna Kendrick's hotness for the next "Report Card", and you know how I like to please our fellow schmoes (since we're so often on the same page as each other). To be totally honest, this suggestion came right out of left field for me, but I assure you, I will grade her honestly, based on the minimum knowledge I embody. That said, feel free to grade Anna yourself in the "drool back" section, or vote on others, etc. Now, let's get on with the pictures!


This is a tough one to start off with, as I honestly have a hard time figuring out just how attracted I am to Kendrick's mug. Obviously, if I saw her walking down the street, I'd think she's damned attractive. I don't know, it could be that I've grown tired of seeing it, but I'm not quite as in awe of Anna's face as I used to be. Am I the only one?? She still looks hot enough for an above-average grade, though, that can be said.

I like what I see, but what I seen isn't much (meaning we need more over-the -shoulder poses, Anna!). Also, I usually prefer a little more plush in a lady's hindquarters. Anna's arse certainly isn't boney, but in this day and age, a little cushion helps more than it hurts. When it's properly presented to us, however, that tookus can be one hell of a head-turner. Salacious needs a neck brace.

I was initially pretty sure I'd be giving Anna an average grade or lower in this subject, but that was before I browsed through some pictures. Anna's got quite a decent rack going on, but it's a shame so many perverts like me are unaware of it. They're perky, fun-looking, and just about the right size for a handful. I'm not grading based on size so much, mind you, but Kendrick has the proportions that would please schmoes who aren't into basketball-sized breasts. I personally enjoy breasts of all sizes and shapes (except rectangle).

Being very lean and slender, you'd think I'd be granting Anna an 'A' in this category. That's not the case, only because I've seen how beautiful she can be with a few extra pounds on her. It's no secret that Kendrick has lost a fair amount of weight over the past few years, in the midst of all the pressure to stay in "top shape" for the MTV crowd. Each of the grades above would be tremendously improved if she'd go back to eating a "animal style" fries once in a while. Then again, that's one man's opinion.

To be honest, I've only seen two films in which Kendrick was heavily featured: 50/50 and UP IN THE AIR, both of which she was pretty phenomenal in. From what I hear, she displays the same chops in DRINKING BUDDIES, which flew right over the heads of the general public earlier this year. However, most of the teen-scream movies that got her face on magazine covers, such as PITCH PERFECT and the TWILIGHT series, are just unapologetic mindless entertainment. I suppose she can't be blamed for cashing those bigger checks, and she's surely bound to make a big impression somewhere down the line. Plus her Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actress earns her some extra credit.

As I mentioned atop this column, I know very little about Anna as a regular human being, so I won't include this with the final grade (although, let's face it, she's a 'B' student). From what I can tell, she seems very nice and easy to get along with. Let me put it this way: if I could choose two cast-members of the TWILIGHT films to hang out with, it'd be Kendrick and Ashley Greene (with a year supply of pudding).

Extra Tidbit: Hey, the school year has officially started, which means this column actually makes some sort of sense now! Who's next?


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