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Hottie Report Card: Aly Michalka

10.16.2015by: Salacious Crumb

Now that everything "undead" is officially in season, it's time to prep for the season premiere of iZombie, the greatest celebration of brain-hungry zombs in television history (you know, besides that other insanely popular show that rhymes with "The Talking Heads"). The second season of iZombie premieres next week, and if you need something to boost your interest, you just might catch Aly Michalka breaking some non-beating zombie hearts.  

Unlike many actresses we talk about around here, there's no confusion as to whether her facial features would be better labeled "cute" or "hot". She's a hottie downright, at least in the eyes of those who adore her (and if you don't, what's wrong with you?). In fact, if there's any poll worth taking, it's one that would determine which hair color suits her best: blonde of brunette? Yup, just like her EASY A co-star Emma Stone, the color of Aly's hair can make a shocking difference, although most fans have grown used to her big, blonde mop (I suppose because they're gentlemen). She also possesses one of those "moles" beside her lips that's so sexy it seems rude to give it such a unpleasant name.

When it comes to this subject in particular, Aly has pretty much hit "teacher's pet" status, at least as far as this professor is concerned. Whether she finds her precious pom poms to be a blessing or a curse, they're a definite blessing for her fans, and she would seem to be aware of this. Time and time again, she's treated us with generous servings of revealing, cleavage-baring tops, which is the hottie equivalent of leaving a fresh apple on my desk every day. Although, that's a really dumb metaphor. The apples wouldn't be as ripe.

If you've become familiar with Michalka's work as an actress, there's probably been a moment where your eyes somehow managed to drift to her body's lower half. This is 100% normal. Particularly in scenes like this from the cheer-drama Hellcats, Aly has managed to give her third-best asset some time to shine. Even on social media, Aly doesn't seem to have an issue with showing her fans what her orange bikini bottom looks like when properly filled up. Sadly, there aren't many photoshoots that lend a good representation, but there's enough elsewhere to be admired.

And so once again, this subject leaves me with little else to say besides "Dayumn!", with maybe a few extra "y"'s and exclamation points. The quality of her talents in this category isn't even of for debate. If and when they ever find room to place "major babe" in the dictionary, they will also need to make room for a fold-out picture of Michalka right next to it. She's sort of like the real life version of that Barbie doll that was too hot for Toys 'R' Us.

In case Aly's reading, this is not meant to be a slam on her choices as an actress. Actually, a "C" average isn't so bad in comparison to many of the other students we've gone over as of late. Aly's career began to rise roughly a decade ago, thanks to Disney Channel's Phil of the Future and COW BELLES, in which she starred with her sister AJ. While we all appreciated her stand-out performance in EASY A, she's appeared more prominently on the small screen, which just can't seem to let her go. Who knows if the continuation of iZombie will give Aly a positive lift, but it sure beats Hellcats and Two and a Half Men. I do miss her cheerleading outfit, though.

After going down my list of resources for digging up dirt from under celebrity fingernails, there's not really anything worth noting. Occasionally I happen to check up with Aly on social media, but admittedly, a lot of the "words" often go ignored. From the little I gather, Aly seems to be pretty simple as far as her wants and needs out of life, like having a strong relationship with her sister, and her family in general. She wants a guy who can make her laugh and keep her entertained, as well as someone who loves her heart and not just on a physical level. Very basic stuff, sure, but these are ideals she's pretty vocal about on a regular basis. As far as her sense of humor and ability to change a tire goes, I'm honestly no too sure. 

Check out our previous Hottie Report Cards...

"A" Students: Salma Hayek, Jennifer Aniston, Paula Patton, Gemma Arterton, Amber Heard, Lacey Chabert, Jaimie Alexander, Gillian Jacobs, Natalie Dormer, Amy Adams, Alison Brie, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Brook, Kate Mara, Eva Green, Carla Gugino, Scarlett Johansson, Kate Upton, Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lawrence, Charlize Theron, Olivia Munn, Zoe Saldana, Rosario Dawson, Olga Kurylenko, Olivia Wilde, Kaley Cuoco, Hayley Atwell, Lauren Cohan, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Victoria Justice, Maria Menounos, Mila Kunis, Rosamund Pike, Margot Robbie, Nina Agdal, Shailene Woodley, Amanda Seyfried, Christina Hendricks, Jessica Alba, Ashley Greene, Charlotte McKinney, Kate Beckinsale.

"B" Students: Sandra Bullock, Alice Eve, Jenna Fischer, Lena Headey, Kristen Bell, Anna Kendrick, Cobie Smulders, Rashida Jones, Danielle Harris, Nicole Beharie, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Trachtenberg, Evangeline Lilly, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Hyland, Emily Browning, Imogen Poots, Tina Fey, Karen Gillan, Rebecca Hall, Elizabeth Banks, Annet Mahendru, Emily Blunt, Emilia Clarke, Moon Bloodgood, Danielle Fishel, Keri Russell, Cameron Diaz, Rachel McAdams, Megan Fox, Aubrey Plaza, Emily Ratajkowski, Michelle Monaghan, Adrianne Palicki, Nicole Kidman, Kat Dennings, Keira Knightley, Allison Williams, Jena Malone, Rose Byrne, Maggie Grace, Jennifer Lopez, Sienna Miller, Jordana Brewster, Felicity Jones, Blake Liveley, Elizabeth Olsen, Reese Witherspoon, Brittany Snow, Jennette McCurdy, Ronda Rousey, Bryce Dallas Howard, Alyssa Milano, Rhona Mitra, Natalie Martinez, Ashley Benson, Elizabeth Gillies, Odette Yustman, Kristen Stewart, Alicia Vikander, Kate Bosworth, Juno Temple.

"C" Students: Kristen Wiig, Katherine Heigl, Dakota Johnson.

"D" Students: Khloe Kardashian.

 

Extra Tidbit: How do you grade this hottie, professor?
Source: MovieHotties

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1:42AM on 10/17/2015

That's about right

I really liked her in EASY A; she had great comic timing, along with her other ... assets. ;)
I really liked her in EASY A; she had great comic timing, along with her other ... assets. ;)
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9:56PM on 10/16/2015
She's kind of got that farmer's daughter thing going on.
She's kind of got that farmer's daughter thing going on.
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-1
8:02PM on 10/16/2015

Are you freaking kidding me?

Week after week you give AMAZING looking women a B grade for pretty much perfect bodies, then you take this ex-Disney hack who gets softballs stuffed into her chest and give her an A+???? Ugh, nothing less attractive than a really skinny girl with huge fake breasts.

Plus she's completely mediocre looking. B- at best (being really kind). If you seriously think this [link] is an A-, we have completely different definitions of grading.

Great legs though..... ">
Week after week you give AMAZING looking women a B grade for pretty much perfect bodies, then you take this ex-Disney hack who gets softballs stuffed into her chest and give her an A+???? Ugh, nothing less attractive than a really skinny girl with huge fake breasts.

Plus she's completely mediocre looking. B- at best (being really kind). If you seriously think this [link] is an A-, we have completely different definitions of grading.

Great legs though.....
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5:07PM on 10/18/2015
I probably would have gone with a solid B rather than a B-, but that's about all I can disagree with
I probably would have gone with a solid B rather than a B-, but that's about all I can disagree with
2:01PM on 10/16/2015
Really hot. Meow.
Really hot. Meow.
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+1
11:31AM on 10/16/2015

Serious hottie!

I love Aly
I love Aly
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10:44AM on 10/16/2015
Aly is most definitely a hottie - especially when she's a blonde. That toned body is incredible and of course I love her boobs.
Aly is most definitely a hottie - especially when she's a blonde. That toned body is incredible and of course I love her boobs.
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