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Hottie Report Card: Alicia Vikander

09.04.2015by: Salacious Crumb
100%

As we make our steady transition into early September, we're already reminded that this time of year remains elephant graveyard of post-summer movie releases. Kicking off the "dawn of the yawn" is a the much-needed reboot THE TRANSPORTER REFUELED, the Chris Evans directorial debut BEFORE WE GO, and based on the lost GRUMPIEST OLD MEN screenplay, A WALK IN THE WOODS. The student hottie we'll be setting our sights on today is Alicia Vikander, who has nothing to do with any of those films. If you haven't caught her recently in THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E., you most probably at least saw her sexy robot side-boob on the EX MACHINA poster. If none of those excuses suffice, we'll just say Vikander played a "robot", and the first season of Mr. Robot just came to a close, thus rendering her a relevant candidate. Too late, that's the one we're going with.

It would be a breeze to fill this column up with infantile cyborg jokes, but unfortunately that would be uncalled for here. As a Swedish hottie, Vikander has the exotic appeal going for her like no other. Whether she belongs in a James Bond movie or a high school horror flick is a tough call, which is obviously good news for her. As obviously beautiful and unique as Vikander is, I may just need some time to get used to her full head of hair. The freckly nose is a major plus for this professor as well.

Vikander hasn't been in the public eye for too long, but it's at least worth it to note that some of her finest qualites can be found in this subject. At times, you may find difficulty in averting your eyes from Vikander's android arse, if you will. As the new kid on the block, she still needs to get a portfolio going. However, she's been making the effort, whether it be on purpose (in perfectly measured dresses on the red carpet) or by a happy accident (see the pic below). That much we aught to appreciate.

When it comes to hotties like Vikander, you best concentrate on the whole package, not just focusing on the body parts that trigger the most testosterone. But I guess we have to so... Vikander has terrific boobs. There you have it. I didn't blink once during her nude scenes in EX MACHINA, but then again, who wouldn't, and who doesn't appreciate a nice pair of robo-bahama mamas? No one, that's who(m). 

There's no hiding the fact that Vikander is in possession of a naturally beautiful physique. Along with her talent, this was most definitely a factor that wasn't underlooked by various agents, producers and, well, us. Unlike the owner of last week's student body, Kate Beckinsale, I just can't see Vikander flipping around, shootin' mofo's in shiny, black latex catsuits. Then again, I'd be more than humbled for her to prove me wrong.

It's not often enough we see a Swedish hottie take on mainstream American films, let alone at the rate Alicia has been for the past few years. Vikander started her career in her home country more than a decade ago. Since then, she's partaken in a ton of "high profile" projects like EX MACHINA, TESTAMENT OF YOUTH, A ROYAL AFFAIR and the upcoming BURNT with Bradley Cooper to name a few). That said, many of her biggest roles have yet to be seen, and while she absolutely seems to be on a solid track, it's just a little too soon to sing the highest praises.

Some may be surprised to find out that Vikander has a bit of a wild side, and those people must not have seen EX MACHINA. More surprisingly, she came close to attending her first year at law school, until she was offered her first starring role in PURE, for which she snagged the Guldbagge Award for "Best Actress". (Who needs more attractive lawyers anyway, right?). All of this earns Vikander brownie points, but in the fog there's also evidence of her hanging out with the Swedish pop stars, and who knows how Biebery they might get over there? (Apologies, I would never compare a country to Justin Bieber). In any case, she's perky and genuinely fun-behaving in interviews, and she has my blessing as a real-life, anatomically correct hottie.

Check out our previous Hottie Report Cards...

"A" Students: Salma Hayek, Jennifer Aniston, Paula Patton, Gemma Arterton, Amber Heard, Lacey Chabert, Jaimie Alexander, Gillian Jacobs, Natalie Dormer, Amy Adams, Alison Brie, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Brook, Kate Mara, Eva Green, Carla Gugino, Scarlett Johansson, Kate Upton, Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lawrence, Charlize Theron, Olivia Munn, Zoe Saldana, Rosario Dawson, Olga Kurylenko, Olivia Wilde, Kaley Cuoco, Hayley Atwell, Lauren Cohan, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Victoria Justice, Maria Menounos, Mila Kunis, Rosamund Pike, Margot Robbie, Nina Agdal, Shailene Woodley, Amanda Seyfried, Christina Hendricks, Jessica Alba, Ashley Greene, Charlotte McKinney.

"B" Students: Sandra Bullock, Alice Eve, Jenna Fischer, Lena Headey, Kristen Bell, Anna Kendrick, Cobie Smulders, Rashida Jones, Danielle Harris, Nicole Beharie, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Trachtenberg, Evangeline Lilly, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Hyland, Emily Browning, Imogen Poots, Tina Fey, Karen Gillan, Rebecca Hall, Elizabeth Banks, Annet Mahendru, Emily Blunt, Emilia Clarke, Moon Bloodgood, Danielle Fishel, Keri Russell, Cameron Diaz, Rachel McAdams, Megan Fox, Aubrey Plaza, Emily Ratajkowski, Michelle Monaghan, Adrianne Palicki, Nicole Kidman, Kat Dennings, Keira Knightley, Allison Williams, Jena Malone, Rose Byrne, Maggie Grace, Jennifer Lopez, Sienna Miller, Jordana Brewster, Felicity Jones, Blake Liveley, Elizabeth Olsen, Reese Witherspoon, Brittany Snow, Jennette McCurdy, Ronda Rousey, Bryce Dallas Howard, Alyssa Milano, Rhona Mitra, Natalie Martinez, Ashley Benson, Elizabeth Gillies, Odette Yustman, Kristen Stewart.

"C" Students: Kristen Wiig, Katherine Heigl, Dakota Johnson.

"D" Students: Khloe Kardashian.

 

Extra Tidbit: What do YOU rate this hottie, professor?
Source: MovieHotties

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7:51PM on 09/08/2015

Seriously, this girl is near perfect!

A+, and shut the fuck up.
A+, and shut the fuck up.
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3:34AM on 09/08/2015
Cute girl but B is fine to me
Cute girl but B is fine to me
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+0
7:17PM on 09/07/2015
Out of this world gorgeousness.
Out of this world gorgeousness.
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+1
11:46AM on 09/07/2015

Vi-Candy

Alicia has blown my mind since I first saw her in Seventh Son. Ex Machina...good god.
Lots of beautiful actresses in the world today, but this one fuels my fire. =)
Alicia has blown my mind since I first saw her in Seventh Son. Ex Machina...good god.
Lots of beautiful actresses in the world today, but this one fuels my fire. =)
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2:59PM on 09/05/2015

A "B" for her face?

What the fuck. She was mainly cast in "Ex Machina" because of her gorgeous face.
What the fuck. She was mainly cast in "Ex Machina" because of her gorgeous face.
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+2
11:13PM on 09/04/2015

Alicia is better than a B... much better

That "Career" grade of C+ is bullshit. As I understand it she is a very well respected actress in her native land. As is stated, there's 10 years of acting there. The decade of work cannot be eliminated because you haven't seen the films or have but couldn't translate them. That would be like a German critic giving Amy Adams a C+ because she has very few German media credits.
That "Career" grade of C+ is bullshit. As I understand it she is a very well respected actress in her native land. As is stated, there's 10 years of acting there. The decade of work cannot be eliminated because you haven't seen the films or have but couldn't translate them. That would be like a German critic giving Amy Adams a C+ because she has very few German media credits.
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5:58PM on 09/04/2015
She is breathtakingly gorgeous!
She is breathtakingly gorgeous!
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2:34PM on 09/04/2015
Easy A.
Easy A.
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1:06PM on 09/04/2015
She's gorgeous. A+'s all across the board for her and easily the breakout star of 2015. She was great in Ex-Machina and glad to see her blowing up since then.
She's gorgeous. A+'s all across the board for her and easily the breakout star of 2015. She was great in Ex-Machina and glad to see her blowing up since then.
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