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Face Off: Alison Brie vs. Kat Dennings

03.14.2012by: Droz

I guess ya'll disagreed with our reckoning in the last Face Off between Leeloo and Lara Croft. You preferred Leeloo by a 2 to 1 margin over Ms. Croft. You make a valid point. After all, Leeloo is a supreme being. Still pretty sure Lara's got the hotness advantage, though.

But anyway, the results of our most recent poll showed that most of you find the best "cute and sweet" hottie to be none other than Alison Brie. Fine choice there. So now we need an anti-cute and sweet hottie. Someone who is perhaps equally as hot, yet not in a cutesy way. Someone who can bring some attitude to oppose Alison's upbeat persona. Someone with a bit of an edge to her. At that point, the choice was clear - it's gotta be Kat Dennings. Now we got to see how these two match up in a one on one tussle between the perky and the pestered, to find out if we like our hotties cheerful and charming or loose and laid-back.


Alison gets the nod here, mostly because she is a happy medium between slim and curvy. She's no stick figure - plenty of meat on those bones. Yet she's still got a petite sort of feel about her, which would seem to make Alison her the more likely of these two ladies to please the biggest crowd. There's just not a lot one can say against her in the body area. You can't call her fat, nor can you say she's too skinny. She's Goldilocks' porridge - just right.

Tough call here, as is the case with most of these categories. Both of these ladies have been gifted with some lovely curves, doubtless to please anyone. Given the choice, no doubt many of us would gladly take what Kat has to offer and rightfully so. She's got some beautiful curves of a classic variety, hearkening back to hotties of old. Alison gets the nod for having the biggest cross section of body admirers, yet the cheering section for Kat is nothing to snicker at either.

The Boobs

Both of these ladies are renowned for their assets up top, so to speak. Alison's heavy helpings have been a major fixture on her show Community since the start of its run, and probably inspired much of the highly vocal outcry from that show's loyal fanbase, eventually saving it from certain cancellation. Imagine a set of boobs so powerful that they can save a faltering television show. You'd need a pretty powerful set of hooters to match that...

Speaking of pretty powerful sets, here they are. Yessir, boobs just don't come much finer than Kat's. Perfectly shaped, massive, and often on display, well, mostly anyway. Only blurred cell photos have managed to capture them in their total glory - but what a glorious sight they are. They're so amazing, any titty fan would gladly chose to go there when they die. Forget sandy beaches or virgin forests. Give us the ample mounds of beautiful femininity there below Kat's chin as our final resting place. What a way to go that would be. We should all be so lucky.


An addition to Alison's magnificent bust and terrific body is her gorgeous face. With those big, blue eyes and sweet smile, she is the poster girl for delightful beauty. Much like Kat and her curvy figure, Alison also hearkens back to an earlier time when "cute as a button" was the most desirable kind of beauty a woman could have. Nobody was looking for scowls and intensity back then. They were looking for Alison - the pretty girl with the cute face and big smile. Can't argue with that.

Kat is nowhere near ugly, though she is somewhat of a esoteric beauty. The big issue some have with her looks are those full lips of hers. Something about a huge set of lips seems to turn some people off. Then again, there are those who see the potential benefits of such a ripe set of smackers. If you're critical of Kat that way, you might just ponder for a moment all the potential benefits of such a prominent set of lips. Shouldn't take you too long to figure out the upside there.

Sex Appeal

Being so sweet, it's sometimes difficult to look at Alison as a sexual creature. Sure it's okay when she's tearing her top off over and over on Community. But then later you see her again with that big, innocent-looking smile on her face and the pleasant vibe radiating off her - and it almost feels wrong to be looking at her as someone you want to bang the shit out of. You should be taking her out to dinner or buying her flowers and candies - anything but thinking of all the ways you want to ravage her body. That doesn't mean one isn't going to think about it. Most of us are filthy pervs deep down. Alison's pleasing demeanor just makes you feel kind of bad about it.

No such problems with Kat. There is hardly a moment that goes by when she's not actively appealing to one's sexual proclivities, stimulating them like a shot of adrenaline to the heart. Whether it be that barely restricted cleavage pouring out of her dress or the smokey intensity of her innate sexual magnetism, she's in many ways quite a potent creature. She almost doesn't even have to work at it. It seems to come by nature.


So then it comes down to this - what sort of lady would you prefer to spend your time with? Is it someone like Alison? Someone sweet and charming, who seems to find herself in a cheery mood quite a lot. Some might find that idyllic. Or it could be a prescription for failure. Sure, Alison seems like she would be great to go out and have fun with, then hopefully take home and defile in any number of sordid ways. But that kind of cheerfulness is only good when you can reciprocate. When you've had a bad day or are just pissed about something, happy and cheery is like scraping a chalkboard. If you're not similarly inclined to upbeat moods, a "glass half full" mentality like that can only be tolerated for so long.

On the other end of the spectrum, someone who is perhaps a bit more introspective and leveled out in their demeanor might be easier to get along with for those not able to deal with constant, overflowing joy. Kat seems a much more laid back person, given to hanging out and going with the flow rather than feeling like she's got to lift everyone's spirits. Sometimes you just want to be moody and depressed. It feels right to be that way. Kat seemss like the sort who would understand and leave you to that.

In the end, this one is a matter of personal choice. Gotta look within yourself to decide between the two.

Kat Dennings

This was a tough choice. That sexy, sultry, supremely stacked vibe Kat sends out into the world is pretty tough to resist. And someone so sugary sweet as Alison could surely warm even the coldest heart. The margin of victory between these two is pretty narrow and could have quite easily gone either way, but in the end things seemed to be slightly stacked in Kat's favor. It's by no means a landslide victory - more like the narrow presidential races we American's seem to have lately. But someone's got to get the trophy. Might as well be Kat.

Who do you prefer?
Tags: Face-Off


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