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Face Off: Scarlett Johansson vs. Charlize Theron

08.10.2015by: Droz

You guys seem pretty adamant about Jessica Alba being superior in every way to her competion Kate Mara in last week's Face Off. I don't know if the margin between them is THAT big. Kate at her best is quite a thing to behold. I'll say one thing - Jessica certainly has Kate beat in FANTASTIC FOUR box office numbers. As bad as the Alba version was, at least people went to see it in sufficient numbers to put it in the top 10 at the box office that year. Nobody wants anything to do with this new one - not even the people who made it. That's pretty bad.

That brutal beating TF4 is taking may be a symptom of post summer movie season malaise. By the calendar's reckoning, we've got a month or so of summer left to go. Yet for movies, summer gets going in April and then starts to fizzle out in August. At this point it's mostly just the leftovers - things either not good enough or too risky for prime time - things which this year are also kinda short on hotties for some reason. So I think I'll just focus on two of my favorite movies of summer 2015, AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON and MAD MAX: FURY ROAD, which star two of my favorite hotties who go by the names Scarlett Johansson and Charlize Theron. Two hotties from two hot movies. Which one was your favorite hottie of summer 2015?


I'll try not to make this too much about ScarJo's current ill-advised and brutal culling of her once lovely, long hair, although that is a symptom of a problem I have with her sometimes. Most of the time Scarlett is the most beautiful thing you'll ever see. Every once in a while though, something goes haywire with her looks, resulting in a sharp decline in the value of her appearance. While I've ever thought she was ugly, I have desperately wished she'd go back to some other style that better represents her as the angel she is.

Speaking of radical shifts in appearance, Charlize isn't above going in odd directions with her looks either. Although a head shave was fairly unprecedented for her, not to mention a robotic arm and the upper half of her head dipped in something resembling motor oil. But wasn't she gorgeous anyway all buzzed, covered in blood and road grit yet still beaming? Charlize was really stretching believably with her beauty in the midst of all that post-apocalyptic filth. That's just how lovely she is.


How many occasions have we had to drool over the amazing sight of Scarlett's body in various states of dress and undress during the last 10 years? What a decade she's made with her absurdly bangable proportions. A decade that's seen her go from modest fame to $20 mil a movie. Her insane body is a big part of that rise. Her ass puts asses into theater seats. It's something to see.

A couple decades ago this would have been an easy win for Charlize. And not just because Scarlett was 10 at the time. Charlize might have had one of the finest bodies on the planet in the latter half of the 90s. She was elegantly built in a Renaissance sculpture kind of way. Ain't nothing wrong with her bod all these years later. Still, time passes and new generations come up. Eventually everything gets replaced by a newer model, Charlize included.


Both these two stand out as hotties, but in the here and now I'd say Scarlett is the go to movie hottie. As I said before, there are so many epic sexy Scarlett moments one can call up, like her Black Widow performances. I like her smaller roles, as that's where she's done the most risque stuff. Sure, one day Scarlett will have to give up the hottie ghost - something that might not bode well for her career. Yet for now, she's still one of the best around where hotness is concerned.

Charlize has been an outstanding figure here from the start and still is from time to time. I get the impression she's moved on from straight up eye candy, preferring roles with more depth to them. Makes sense. She's got kids now and an almost marriage (so glad she came to her senses there), not to mention an Oscar-winning career that needs tending to. Being the hottest one in the cast probably isn't as important to her as it used to be. That's too bad, because her hotness will always be important to me.


ULTRON is a fitting allegory for a lot of Scarlett's work over the years. It's flashy, sexy, somewhat light on substance, but still pretty damn fun to watch. So too has been Scarlett in many of her roles. I've wondered from time to time if she's got the chops to do something more substantial. She has had a few gravitas roles over the years. She should do more of those. I'm sure those Marvel paychecks are nice, but one should always try to challenge one's self.

FURY ROAD and ULTRON were a fairly even match for things exploding in cool-looking ways. It was kind of neat how they defied expectations by having the story pivot not on the guy who's name is in the title, but rather the female lead who doesn't show up until 30 minutes into the movie. I suppose that also mirrors Charlize's time on the scene. She's the cool-looking one who surprises everyone by coming at things in a unique way. Yet another reason why I enjoy her.


I could probably choose between these two if I really knuckled down on myself. But I don't feel like it. Scarlett and Charlize both have so much to offer - too much for me to say that one's offerings are more important than the other's. I leave it to you to pick one, if you think you can.

Just one man's opinion. What are your thoughts?


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