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Face Off: Rihanna vs. Rita Ora

07.17.2017by: Droz

It felt like a tossup between Victoria Justice and Hailee Steinfeld for last week's Face Off. They certainly are cute, aren't they? And sexy. Kinda makes it hard to say which one is the right pick between two women with whom it's so hard to go wrong.

We finally get to decide if Luc Besson has another baroque space adventure hit on his hands when VALERIAN AND THE CITY OF A THOUSAND PLANETS debuts this week. As usual, Besson's pop culture fetishism has him bringing in all kinds of folks to star in his big movie. Among that lot is Rihanna, who plays some sort of shape-shifting stripper who can morph into the visage of the R&B pop star, or something. When looking for bangability, you really can't go wrong with Rihanna. The cornerstone of her career is making sure people understand she's worthy of banging. Same thing goes for her competition this week, Rita Ora, who frequently seems to be working from a near identical celebrity playbook as Rihanna, which has her sometimes going to absurd lengths to get you worked up. Who is your favorite absurdly hot pop star and sometime actress?

Beauty

While certainly easy on the eyes, Rihanna's greatest strengths as a hottie are farther down on her person. That said, I do like her exotic Caribbean qualities in this category and how they contrast with her green eyes. This unusual combination is one of the things she's the most well known for in this category. I can see why. They are impressive peepers.

There's nothing wrong with Rita here. Just like with Rihanna, I feel like the best parts of Rita are, in my estimation, further south. Even so, there's no worthy argument proclaiming Rita anything but perfectly acceptable here. This may not be glowing praise, but an accurate sample of where I'm at with these two. I went with Rihanna on this mostly because of her exotic qualities and those lovely green eyes.

Body

Why didn't I go with Rihanna here? It's pretty much a boobs thing. Hers aren't as big as Rita's. And I like big boobs. It's as simple as that. Rihanna has everything else I'd ever need in a hot body, except for the above area. Add to that the stupid bird tattoo under her somewhat underwhelming boobs, which is like adding insult to injury. I got problems with a few things happening on Rihanna's chest.

I made a big deal of Rita's rack in denying Rihanna my vote here, so they must be good. I'm not sure how to rank her in terms of greatest boobs around now. Top 10? Top 5? After years of looking at her impressive rack and seeing her recent topless spread in Lui magazine, I can say without reservation her's are exactly where I'm at where tits are concerned. Then you got the rest of Rita, which is just fine as well. I don't know where she ranks in the overall scheme of things, but Rita is right up there in this category.

Hotness

Covered →

I don't know if there's a point in time when these two aren't actively trying to get your dick hard. They're doing this when they're performing, they do it when they're not performing. They walk down the street that way, they go to store that way, they probably brush their teeth that way. The basis by which these two women determine their path through life seems to be "is this going to grow some boners?" It's quite a life.

Career

There are degrees of success in the recording biz which depend on the particular niche you happen to fall into. Some find success through their talents alone. Some add looks and style to the music. Then there are those who combine music and fashion with the sometimes sordid nature of their so-called "private" lives. Both Rihanna and Rita are known for making a spectacle of themselves in that last way, but Rihanna's ability to draw attention her way has made her somewhat more prominent there. I don't need to go into the sometimes tragic details there. I'm sure you've about a few of them. And it's this familiarity with her scandals that gives her the edge here.

← Handled.

Rihanna

Like many in their line of work, I care less than nothing about how and why Rihanna and Rita are famous. Some might like their stuff and that's fine. I'm pretty much all about what they bring to the table as hotties, which is considerable. Rihanna has a bit of an advantage there for me, but I can totally see why someone might make the opposite choice.

Just one man's opinion. Which one you got?

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