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Face Off: Pepper Potts vs. Tony Stark

04.29.2013by: Droz

A few extra among you thought that Sandra Vergara had the better stuff than her sister/cousin Sofia Vergara in last week's Face Off. Some fairly intense feelings for both sides in this one. You guys must never have had to choose between sisters before. That's a perilous place to be, believe you me.

We got another IRON MAN moving coming out this week which I'm sure you're looking forward to seeing. I have little doubt we'll all enjoy the sights and sounds of people in robot suits blowing shit up. These movies do bring up an interesting quandary though. As a guy, I'm always on the lookout for hot women to get with and cool guys to hang with. Pepper Potts and Tony Stark are two people who fit into each of those categories. They also work pretty well if you're on the other end of the sexual spectrum. How does one choose between them? Sure, these characters are an item right now, so one could conceivably hang with both of them. The possibilities are much more interesting when they're each taken individually. Who wants to be a third wheel?

I've done my best to keep the categories as unisex as possible for all my readers' varying proclivities. So how does this go down for you? Bros before hoes? Sisters before misters? Which IRON MAN character would you have around? Answer below.

Just Hanging Out

Notice how you don't see Pepper just hanging out in any of the IRON MAN movies? She doesn't seem the sort to lay about in some sweats, putting away the better part of a bottle of wine while watching The Kardashians. She's always off doing something, be it searching for Tony or running Tony's business or complaining to Tony about something he's done.

 

Pretty telling, huh? Makes me think that she and Tony are a bit of a mismatch. While Tony is pondering his next scientific breakthrough or hitting up the nearest exotic car dealership for his next super car acquisition, Pepper is trying to work out the best arrangement of dry goods in Tony's cabinets or color coordinating his sock drawer. For the sake of their relationship, I hope she's learned to relax by this point in the film franchise.

Who would be more fun to hang out with than Tony Stark? Nobody, that's who. This is the guy who can make a good time out of a Senate inquiry. Hanging out with Tony gives you access to fast cars, private jets, palatial beachfront estates, amazing technology and all kinds of other untold awesomeness. Can you imagine a better guy to prowl around with? You know Tony's gonna get all the finest women in the joint, but being the all around cool guy he is, he's also going to make sure his wingman doesn't go without. And if you make it into his inner circle, you get your own powered exoskeleton suit. Bonus.

Private Time

What can I say? As Tone-Loc once said, "This the 80s and I'm down with the ladies." Pepper is a sexy little thing and I'd be all over that given half a chance. I think one of the things I like most about her, other than her fine legs, hot body, sweet face and all her other visual treats, is the fact that she's no pushover. She can hold her own with Tony when the bantering kicks in. You gotta appreciate a woman who can call you on your bullshit. Keeps a man honest, you know?

I love Tony, but not in that way. I'd be as giddy as a schoolboy to hang with him and his awesome collection of toys. Yet when the lights go down, you know I'm going to be secreting away with his girl given half a chance. Or at least making the best attempt I can toward those ends. Tony is pretty much impossible competition for most guys. Then again, you know he's making a mess of his relationship more often than not. Pepper is going to need a shoulder to cry on when he flies off to thwart deadly terrorists on their anniversary. Enter yours truly.

Their Day Jobs

Pepper's day job is to look immaculate while simultaneously looking after Tony. She's the beautiful human PDA who keeps him up-to-date on all the minutiae related to helming a massive corporate empire. I'm sure that's a full time gig when you're talking about Tony Stark, but such a person isn't much use for me. Granted, I don't have the empire Tony has. Nor am I as bombarded with issues in need of my attention like Tony. Still, having someone following me around reminding me how much of an irresponsible asshole I am would get pretty old after awhile - even if she does have legs like Pepper's.

So what does Tony Stark do when he's not blowing shit up? Well, he blows shit up. As the main man at Stark Industries, he's got himself a lot of practice at finding new and innovative ways of spreading mayhem in technologically sophisticated ways. The only thing that sounds more fun than hopping into one of Tony's ballistic armor suits, is setting off some of Tony's cutting edge firepower.

Their Real Jobs

Pepper's real job seems to be putting Tony in peril by turning into a damsel in distress at the last minute. Whether purposefully or by circumstance, Pepper's going to find herself in need of Tony's rescue before the movie is over. I guess he puts up with it because he cares about her and junk. Kind of annoying though. Although it looks like they're turning the tables in this latest IRON MAN movie, giving Pepper some rescue duties, which should be interesting. I predict a lot of screaming and flying into stuff once that part of the movie goes down, but could it be that Pepper and Tony are on a more equal footing here once the dust settles? We'll see.

Who's got a cooler job than Tony Stark? Guy spends all his free time slipping into a robotic ass-kicking suit and obliterating anything that steps to him. And when he's not doing that, he's using his genius engineering skills to find new and better ways to make ass-kicking robotic suits. That shit beats the hell out of rock star or race car driver, international spy or high class gigolo. Still slightly behind Kelly Brook love slave though.

Tony

If there's one fictional character out there who's awesomeness could steer me away from alone time with a hottie like Pepper Potts, it's Tony Stark. He's the ultimate guy's guy, with a life the majority of us would gladly partake in, even as a spectator. Makes me wonder why all these dudes keep trying to kill him. Wouldn't it be a lot more fun just to have a beer with the guy? I guess even a guy like Tony's got to deal with haters from time to time.

That's where I'm at. Where are you?
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