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Face Off: Olga Kurylenko vs. Milla Jovovich

10.22.2012by: Droz

French hottie Marion Cotillard just squeezed past fellow French hottie Eva Green for an 11 to 9 win in last week's Face Off. Difficult decision between two superb specimens of French beauty. I'm still leaning towards Eva, though. I'm all about the sultriness, which Eva personifies better than most other hotties today.

This week we bid adieu to those lovely French ladies and head east, into the Carpathian mountains and the breadbasket of Europe. This is a place where the only thing more abundant than the wheat fields, abandoned nuclear contamination zones and periodic political uprisings, are the amazing assortment of gorgeous women. They grow 'em especially tasty out there. Being the crossroads of Europe has given this part of the world a unique genetic diversity, melding the best of all the world's hotties into one miraculous soup of hotness. One of the bigger countries in this part of the world, Ukraine, is home to the rusting remains of the former Soviet Union and also the two hotties we feature here today, Olga Kurylenko and Milla Jovovich. Tough call to judge which one of these Eastern European hotties gets the proletarian salute, but I'll give it the old Communist try anyway.


I've never seen Olga look bad. Even when she's not trying to look good, say if she's out and about without make up on or something like that, she still looks amazing. One aspect of these Eastern European ladies that intrigues me is that they get their beauty naturally. They're not pretty because they're made up. They simply are beautiful, as a result of whatever magic coursed through their DNA when they were coming together as a human being. Olga certainly fits into that category.

The thing about Milla that annoys me sometimes is that she seems to want to sabotage her beauty in favor of various freaky or strange or simply unflattering looks that don't do her justice. It's as if she's bored with being beautiful, so she does things like cut her hair really short, which doesn't suit her. Or gets some freaky make up application that doesn't flatter her at all, nor does it seem intended to do so. She likes to experiment when it comes to her style. Which keeps her entertained, but doesn't always benefit her looks. She's much more beautiful when she goes the simple and traditional route.


Round yet trim, soft but fit, smooth as well as contoured, Olga has got the perfect mix of all the best things about the feminine form all packed together in one sexy little frame. And if that weren't enough for you, she also has no qualms about proving how worthy she is in this area by showing it all off on screen, which is one of the surest ways for a lady to merge onto the express lane to my affections. Display your hottest body trophy with pride, Olga.

Milla has always had a perfectly fine body. With the exception of a few brief forays into pregnancy, she has kept herself looking pretty good over the years. I've never found anything particularly wrong with her. She loses here only because I prefer my ladies with a bit more in the boob area. That's not because I want all women to be double D's or anything like that. I just prefer something a little more substantial to grab on to. If they're boyish in the chest, I'm not feeling it - literally.


I think it's become a foregone conclusion that if a woman wins in the beauty and the body categories, you're pretty much obligated to give her a third winner vote in the hotness area as well. What can you say? Olga is beautiful, built and hot - that's the holy trinity of MovieHottie's most elite women. Add to that her Eastern European heritage as a sexy little cherry on top and you have the world's tastiest hot fudge sundae. I have no idea what that's supposed to mean.

So Milla hasn't got the most to work with up top. That doesn't stop her from turning on the hotness when she wants to. She can be quite the seductive type with that bewitching gaze, those kissable lips and cute little overbite. Any struggles she might have with the bra size are simply turned into opportunities to accentuate the other 90% of her that's hotter than a firecracker. I recently caught her in that movie STONE, with DeNiro. Fairly shitty movie, but damn was she hot in that. Even if she was getting it on with a 67 year old guy. She didn't let that stop her from being the hottie she is.


Olga has had a few high profile movies and TV shows, but they pale in comparison to my personal fondness for some of Milla's work. Not to say that Olga isn't good. I wasn't very fond of QUANTUM OF SOLACE, but she did okay as a Bond girl. Her performance on MAGIC CITY is quite good and no doubt she will hold her own with Tom Cruise in the upcoming OBLIVION. It's just that when my Blu-ray player cranks up, you're more likely to find one of Milla's movies in there than Olga's.

There aren't many folks from my generation who weren't at least somewhat charmed by Milla's performance as Leeloo Dallas Multipass in the classic sci-fi adventure THE FIFTH ELEMENT. Though, I was already smitten with Milla well before that, when she played Kevin Pickford's mute, hippy girlfriend in DAZED AND CONFUSED. She was only like 17 at the time, but then again so was I. And despite their increasingly cheesy and convoluted nature, I still enjoy her in the RESIDENT EVIL movies as one of my many guilty pleasures. So, Milla and I go way back.


Being a long time fan of Milla, I feel kind of bad about not giving her the overall vote here. But Olga is hot enough that she overrules any historical bias I might have. Milla is damn hot and were she and I in the same room, I'd probably be reduced to a pathetic mixture of drooling, horny idiot and smitten fanboy. However, given the choice between the two, I'd probably whine and panic for a bit, then chose Olga. So there you go.

That's my pick. Which one is yours?
Tags: Face-Off


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