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Face Off (Noughties Edition): Anne Hathaway vs. Jessica Alba

10.08.2012by: Droz

The majority's pick in our last Face Off went to Christina Aguilera over her opponent Jessica Simpson by a 10 to 5 vote. Not a bad consensus. Christina was hot back in the day. Both of them could do with a reminder of past hotness, perhaps to spur them into recapturing those hotness days. They've both got plenty of years left to let themselves go. No sense doing it now when they've still got some youthful glow left to burn.

Now, back to what some have called "The Noughties." Yeah, it's dumb name, but what the hell else do you call the first decade of the 21st century? Anyway, the years between 2000 and 2009 (we're not going for any of that Gregorian shit. If it's got a 2 in the front and two zeros in the middle, it's in) are the years folks my age conveniently skip over when we find ourselves looking back and don't want to admit that high school was 2 decades ago, not just 1. Not surprising that we'd rather forget about this time, as it seemed like everything shitty happened during this 10 year period. It started out with an economic downturn following the burst of the tech bubble, led directly into 9/11 and a lot of war and strife and chaos to follow, then finally ended with yet even more economic catastrophe. Even so, it couldn't have been all bad, right? That decade did produce some fine hotties who achieved stardom during this time - two of which we put in the ring against one another this week. So in a battle for who was better in the... the whatever decade, which do you like? Is Anne Hathaway your thing? Or is Jessica Alba more your taste? Let's see about it below.


Anne is a beautiful women, when everything comes together right. Seems like circumstances have to be just so for her beauty to really come through. Lately, she's been struggling a bit to keep her looks intact, what with the weight fluctuations and all. Back in the day though, Anne was a unique and refreshing breath of fresh air. Now that she's finished her dramatic weight loss gig, she's free to get back to the nicely proportioned hottie she was a few years back. Let's hope she takes advantage of that chance.

Jessica has always seemed like the type of hottie who can't help but be beautiful. She probably wakes up in the morning a knock out and stays that way until bed time. Back in her Dark Angel days when she first broke into the big times, she was about the sexiest thing on TV or anywhere else for that matter - a beautiful, dark-haired, Latina goddess. She's has since gone through a few hair colors and a few nationalities in her life and career, yet remains drop dead gorgeous over a decade later.


Both of these ladies is doing their own thing with their hotness, yet they both seem to even out when compared against one another. Anne has a former good girl turned hottie vibe about her that folks who remember her PRINCESS DIARIES years can appreciate. That early focus on tween movies is why Anne took awhile to register on a lot of our radars. She was cute and hot in a weird, guilty sort of way. It wasn't until she started to branch out into more adult fare that folks started to truly appreciate what she brings to the table. Then we couldn't keep our eyes off her - probably because she started taking things off her.

Again, much like with her beauty, Jessica was hot as hell from day one. We always wanted more of her and that's basically never stopped (save for a few brief forays into pregnancy, but I think most people would have gone for her anyway). Of course, one can't ignore the persistent and infuriating teasing and nude scene evasion she's inflicted on us, but that doesn't do anything to hurt her hotness. In fact, it's her hotness and our need to see it fully bared to the world that makes us so pissed when she does avoid obvious chances to take it off. If she weren't so hot, it wouldn't be that big a deal.


Tough thing to judge from second-hand accounts and interview shows, but taking all things into consideration, it seems like Anne is probably a pretty cool gal. Personable, quick to laugh and be playful with others, she looks like a fun kind of person to just hang out and goof off with. That might not be what your definition of the ideal lady would be, but for me I'd certainly have that over most any other kind of person.

I've never gotten a personable feel from Jessica. She has a standoffish vibe about her, with a slight suggestion of smug self righteousness mixed in. That made many of her public pleasantries feel forced and tense, as if that was the last place in the world she wanted to be. This could have just been misidentified anxiousness on her part, but it still wasn't the most endearing way to interact with the public. She seems to have mellowed out in recent years, but still feels somewhat aloof.


Clear win for Anne here. With awards and acclaim lavished upon her almost from the start, there was little doubt that Anne had the chops. Now that she's become an A-lister and a big ticket draw, probably for the rest of the conceivable future, we can expect to see her receive much more such acclaim in years to come.

Jessica had early promise back in her television days, but as she moved into her movie career, things seemed to go down hill relatively quickly, at least as far any assessment of her talent went. Some would give her failings in this area credit for the box office bombs on her resume, though that's a bit harsh. Basically, her skills have determined the roles she gets. I'm sure you can figure out how the rest goes.


Being as talented as she is, it makes sense that she's always gotten a number of good gigs both yesterday and today. Of course she's had her share of modest successes and even a few stinkers over the years, but so it goes. They can't all be winners. Anne has had her ups and downs alright, but overall, I'd say the last 10 years or so have been pretty kind to her, at least as far as her career is concerned.

Being as untalented as she is (or at least perceived to be), it makes sense that Jessica's career has not been as bright as Anne's. She's had quite a few gigs in the last 10 or so years, but a scant few hits. And most of those hits were co-star roles. Asking Jessica to take the lead in anything has proven to be a short path to ruin. Maybe she's just not choosing the right roles. Or maybe she is just a pretty face. Whatever the explanation, Jess is taking the short trophy home in this category.


Two hotties who came to prominence in the same decade, but only one could stand out overall. Jessica made her name as a hottie right away, but Anne squeezed in a successful career and the praise of her peers along with her hottie rep. Beloved of a wide demographic, Anne has also proven herself worthy to most movie fans. She's also the only one here who dabbled in comic book character adaptation and emerged with her head intact. That speaks volumes.

That's my choice. What's yours?
Tags: Face-Off


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