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Face Off: Natalie Portman vs. Scarlett Johansson

11.28.2016by: Droz

Seemed like more people were more for Alexis Bledel than Lily Collins by a slight margin in last week's Face Off. Okay, whatever. They're both adorable. I'm in both of their corners.

This week sees Natalie Portman making her next bid for an Oscar playing the former FLOTUS in JACKIE. That coincides with a lot of people losing their shit over Scarlett Johansson's robo body in the GHOST IN THE SHELL movie coming out next year. Those two movies are an obvious pretense to thinking about how these two compare to each other. You might have noticed a bit of a change in Nat and ScarJo's public perception ever since they settled down and embarked on the whole mommy thing. While still beloved and desired by millions, the story with them is not quite the same as it was before career goals and parentage robbed them of free time for other things, like pumping out the sexy content in quantities large enough to keep us all fapping to their visages unceasingly.

Could it be these two have left their peak sexiness behind for the pursuit of peak career success? I'm sure opinions will vary there, but I do find myself looking to their back catalog of hotness a lot more than I used to. Whatever you think, both these ladies will go down as two of the most iconic hotties of their generation. Which icon of hotness do you venerate the most?

Beauty

There are all kinds of angel faces in the world. And then there's Natalie's face. Angel is not good enough a word for her. She's been pulling off straight up Helen of Troy level jaw drops since the 90s. Now on the cusp of her late 30s, Natalie is still stunning. She's gonna be gorgeous when she's 80. That's just the kind of beauty she has.

Personally, I find Scarlett quite lovely. Although I've heard some dissenting opinions there from time to time. I will admit that she's made some questionable styling choices which have dulled the sharpness of my appreciation for her in this category. Her current buzzed hair thing is one of those. Short of any unfortunate styling choices, I'm just fine with Scarlett. She may not be in Natalie's league, but she is beautiful nonetheless.

Body

Show me Natalie bod from her CLOSER days, or her HOTEL CHEVALIER days, or even her YOUR HIGHNESS days, and I'd be willing to make this area a tie game with Scarlett over there. However, when looking at current public body fixation sentiments, I have to give the prize to Natalie's competition here. But you never know. Somewhere down the line a role could come calling where Natalie has to tighten up again. And then we might see her stripper quality ass return. Let's hope so.

The shift in Scarlett body appreciation in the last 5 years has been remarkable. Once it was all about them titties with her. In fact, I'm pretty sure her tits were bigger celebs than she was. That incongruity between the woman and her boobs might be the reason why said boobies were supplanted by her ripe peach of an ass. It's that perfect ass which now inspires our deepest thoughts about Scarlett. I'm not complaining. Doesn't matter if she's hot from back to front or front to back. It all comes out in the wash.

Hotness

It's with this category I get the most flasbacky on the subject of these two. Like I said above, things have changed quite a bit where Nat and ScarJo's dedication to hotness go. I guess in a way that's appropriate, even preferable. Do we really want to see either of these two running around showing off like horny 22-year-olds when they're 35? Probably not. Still, I do miss the days of Scarlett's heavy cleavage and Natalie's artsy near nude spreads. Those were good times, not to be forgotten.

←That.

Career

See right →

Scarlett and Natalie divide between them the two most coveted and/or respected career successes one can have in Hollywood. For Natalie, it's become her award-winning prowess as an actress and her ability to take on the heavy roles - like a post assassination portrayal of Jackie Kennedy. For Scarlett, it's all about the big budget blockbusters and 7 figure pay days. To put their standings in simpler terms, Nat got the skills, ScarJo pays the bills. What more can I say?

IT'S A TIE!

There are many reasons to love Natalie and Scarlett - reasons both individual and shared between them. It's for these reasons they both continue to stand tall after years on the scene. Their lasting mutual goodness leaves me hesitant to be preferential toward one over the other. So I wont.

Just one man's opinion. What are your thoughts?

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