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Face Off: Mila Kunis vs. Kristen Bell

07.25.2016by: Droz

I take it some of you disagreed with some of my sentiments toward Zoe Saldana and Michelle Rodriguez in last week's Face Off. I get it. Zoe is kind of a sacred cow for a lot of folks. I like her too. For whatever reason Michelle just stacks up better for me. Go figure.

Mila Kunis and Kristen Bell head up this week's BAD MOMS, yet another raunchcom with a twist. I can't make any claim about how good or bad this movie is, but it is apropos these two are in a movie about moms. The last few years have seen them both set aside their once formidable hottie cred for lives of baby-making. While this is problematic for our purposes here, I can't completely condemn this. If I was with Mila or Kristen, I'd probably spend much of my time attempting to impregnate them as well. Which movie hottie mom do you think is the better MILF?

Beauty

I hate to be too critical of Mila here, but it's been proven on repeated occasions how nicely she benefits from a little makeup assistance. Plain Jane Mila isn't anything like the person we've come to recognize as the petite Ukrainian import. One might count this against her, but that wouldn't be fair. After all, Mila has a lot of company there. Fortunately, a little eye shadow and some lip gloss usually does Mila wonders.

I've always thought of Kristen as more cute than captivating. Not to suggest she's unattractive. For me, her bubbly, personable demeanor leads the way to establishing my generally amenable impression of her. These good vibes she puts out thus influence all the rest of my positive feelings toward her. In other words, Kristen rubs me right by being a cool person, which makes me much more keen on the rest of her than I would be were she a total bitch.

Body

That→

So I'm pretty sure neither Mila nor Kristen look this good anymore. This is unfortunately just how it goes when normal humans decide to squeeze out 2 kids one after another. Not that I expect either one of them to hold our impressions of their bodies anywhere close to their natural desire to procreate. Still, it's kind of disappointing to think these two might never look this good again.

Hotness

I've had a real thing for Mila since the 90s, when she was the diminutive darling of That 70's Show. Even though her character was nothing but attitude and bitchiness on that show, she still made a good impression. Since then she's only grown more appealing. I've got a thing for the petite hotties, not to mention those of a Eastern European origin. And it doesn't hurt when they look as good as Mila does in the pic above.

Once again, I have to admit to being more taken with Kristen as a cutie pie than a source of desperate lust and desire. I understand how some might be taken with her that way. I've seen her in a bikini and I am fully aware of her cred as a hottie. I'm nonetheless leaning in Mila's direction on this one. However, if she were here before me like in the pic above, giving me that same come hither expression, I'd probably catch up with her ardent supporters real quick.

Career

Looking at the list of their varied accomplishments over the years, I find a similar assortment of ups and downs for both Mila and Kristen. They've each had successful TV shows. They've participated in mega-earning, culturally significant, blockbuster movies. They both have their fair share of beloved characters they've played. Alternatively, they've also both seen certain select projects spiral miserably into horrible failure and rebuke. I'm not prepared to call one mix of good and bad outcomes superior to the other right now, so they therefore get a "too close to call" from me on this one.

←See left.

Mila

I kind of knew where this one was going before I started it. Mila is a longstanding favorite of mine from way back, which is a nicer way to say I'm biased in her favor. Not that Kristen isn't great as well. It's just that, for whatever reason, she just hasn't gotten under my skin the way Mila has.

Just one man's opinion. What are your thoughts?

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