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Face Off: Megan Fox vs. Amber Heard

05.30.2016by: Droz

The prevailing school of thought was that Jennifer Lawrence was the better choice when compared to Olivia Munn, because Jen has the talent and the looks while Olivia mostly just has the looks. You might not have known such was the case though if you only saw them in X-MEN: APOCALYPSE this weekend. Jen just seemed to be going through the motions in that one, while Olivia seemed only sparsely used. I fear this is the dreaded 3rd movie malaise which this movie ironically mocks. It can be a killer sometimes.

The significant news this week was supposed to be Megan Fox reprising her role as April O'Neil in TMNT: OUT OF THE SHADOWS. But instead, all the celeb news can talk about is the rapid and quite nasty disintegration of Amber Heard's short-lived marriage to Johnny Depp. That shit went bad fast. First Johnny's mom dies, followed quickly by Amber filing for divorce, which seemed to anger many people who found her decision insensitive. The situation then did a 180 again with Amber filing a restraining order after things apparently got violent between them. Yikes.

Honestly, I never understood either of these relationships. Amber comes out as bisexual, with a seeming slant toward the ladies, but then marries a guy who she proceeds to divorce following an allegedly tumultuous relationship. Then there's Megan, who got with 90210 boy as a teen and stayed with him for a decade, until she too decided to go splitsville. That is, until she got preggers by him for a second time. Now they're back on again. Hollywood and its relationships - they make no sense. Probably best to ignore all the scandalous bullshit and just focus on which of these troubled hotties you have no trouble staying hot for.

Beauty

What can I say about Megan here which hasn't already been said a millions times? She was a beautiful young thing when first breaking huge in TRANSFORMERS. Then she proceeded to spend the better part of a decade doing her damnedest to f*ck up those looks with senseless plastic surgeries, which she denies despite their obviousness. Yet, they still somehow manage to clean her up okay for movies like TMNT2. There's no telling how long they'll be able to keep this up though. If Megan was down for going under the knife at 22, just imagine what she'll be like at 32. Or 42. Scary thoughts.

I'm pretty sure Amber hasn't had anything nipped or tucked as of this point in her life. Which is smart, because just like Megan, she's been a naturally stone cold fox since the start. She's one of those rare hotties who can and does go sans makeup and still looks amazing. This is called natural beauty and Amber is dripping with it. One has gotta respect such a thing always. I just wish someone would have said so to Megan back in the day.

Body

To me, these two seem evenly matched on this level. For years both of them have held up their super trim and sexy bodies as their chief calling cards. In doing so, they've made of those bodies global phenomenons. Billions eagerly await the next opportunity to get a good look at these bods. I give Amber my vote here because out of the two of them, she's the only one who has actually shown us what her body looks like under those clothes. Such generosity tends to give hotties a crucial advantage.

←That.

Hotness

Over there →

Again, Amber and Megan seem to be using the same playbook, this time on how to maximize their sex appeal. Apart from years of fully hot roles and magazine spreads, they also enjoy stimulating our healthy fantasies with their even more healthy sex lives. We're all quite familiar with the stories of them lezzing out with various fellow hotties. We all know the exquisite mental imagery evoked by the thought of Megan and Amber partaking in said lesbianism. It's just one of many characteristics which set both these two apart here.

Career

Probably the best thing that ever happened to Megan was when Michael Bay cast her as his female lead in TRANSFORMERS. Not only did she rocket to superstardom over night as a result, but her association with Bay has born lucrative fruit for Megan time and again now. She almost ruined this arrangement a few years back when she compared her benefactor to Hitler. Fortunately for Megan, she was smart enough to take that one back. I would call her actual talents as an actress questionable at best. However, there's no denying how much bank her visual appeal has made over the years. She puts on a good show.

Amber has struggled with repeated bouts of box office poison and obscurity for years. It's proven difficult for her at times to be cast in anything more than fluff. One of her most famous roles to date is still the unnamed zombie in ZOMBIELAND from seven years ago. Her role in the critically acclaimed THE DANISH GIRL helped give her a little clout recently - enough even to have won the role of Aquaman's squeeze Mera in the upcoming JUSTICE LEAGUE movies. It's possible, perhaps even probable, the scandalous nature of this split could put a dampener on that boost. Stuff like this has a way of consuming careers like candy, but it would be a shame if this became Amber's fate.

Amber

This nasty split between Amber and Johnny has only just begun. There are probably months, if not years to go before it's all said and done - time which will no doubt take its toll on them both. What will happen to Amber in this process, I cannot say. All I can say right now is that she's a beautiful, sexy woman who has never been anything but a full on mega hottie in my eyes. Whatever the future holds, I sure do hope nothing changes there.

Just one man's opinion. What are your thoughts?

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