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Face Off: Mary Elizabeth Winstead vs. Jessica Biel

03.07.2016by: Droz

Kate Beckinsale had the clear advantage over Isla Fisher in last week's Face Off. I love Isla, but I can't say I'm surprised, considering how much of a sacred cow Kate is. She's a hard one to beat, who's not so hard to beat off to.

We have two more sacred hottie cows in contention this week, which sees the opening of 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE. Yet another secretive project from the master of keeping secrets, JJ Abrams. I don't know how he manages to keep his projects under wraps in the midst of such a spoiler happy industry, but this has to be one of his better kept secrets. Not many people even knew this movie existed up until a few weeks ago, much less that it starred a supreme hottie like Mary Elizabeth Winstead. It's no secret how great she is, nor is there any doubt about the quality of her competitor, Jessica Biel, who in recent weeks has gradually come back into the public eye following the birth of her kid. It's virtually impossible to argue against these two as superior hotties, though the matter of which is the most superior is unclear. What say you on the matter?


There's a convincing argument to be made in favor of Mary's face as the most beautiful face of them all right now. She left me smitten from day one. There's a Disney-like charm in those big, brown eyes, inspiring an unconscious sense of comfort and familiarity. She's got a face you want to look at as much as possible.

All these years of looking at Jessica's face and I sometimes still can't decide how I feel about her looks. She can be beautiful and then not so beautiful. When beautiful, Jessica rivals just about anyone for looks. But then there are times when circumstances don't paint her so well and I wonder if it's all been an illusion with her. Fortunately for Jess, those latter moments are transient.


A hottie has to have a real serious body to outdo MEW. Jessica has just such a body. One shouldn't assume this takes anything away from Mary's goodness here. Jessica's bod comes with a certain degree of legend not fully reciprocated by Mary's bod. Despite the hype, the gap separating winner from loser here is pretty thin.

Jessica's ass has consistently earned her high praise. We all know the well rounded wonders of what she carries around behind her. It's the highlight of an overall brilliant body package. As good as dat ass is, Jessica only rarely lets her butt be seen by the butt loving crowd. It's frequently covered or tucked under concealing clothing, lest we get too used to seeing it. Jessica doles out the derriere only on special occasions, when she knows she's going to be wearing just the right stuff to accentuate it. As much as I might like to see more of what Jess has to offer here, I can't argue with her piecemeal strategy. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.


I was prepared to make a couple of hard calls on the previous two categories, but I can't in good conscience put one above the other in this one. They might arrive at a state of hotness in somewhat different ways, but the net result are two extremely sexy women. Neither you nor I nor anyone else could possibly be unhappy with either one.

← Nuff said.


It fills my heart with warm happiness to see MEW getting prime gigs like 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE. She's one I've always hoped would get bigger and more celebrated as time went on. Not so long ago I might have put Mary and Jessica on equal footing here. This was back when MEW was starring in her own share of crapfests. Then she went the indie route, opting for substantive rather than glitz. Will her choice there now pay off in the form of A-list quality gigs? It remains to be seen. Being the lead in one of JJ's personal projects can't hurt though.

Being renown for her physical goodness hasn't exactly translated into startling success for Jessica as an actress. While she has done some good stuff, there's been just as much disappointment and downright shitty in her resume. I don't count the negatives there as her fault entirely. She just does some terrible movies. Why that is, I don't know. Ask her agent. All I do know is that for now, MEW seems to have the advantage on this one.


MEW or Biel. That's like the choice of NY Strip or a Ribeye steak. They're both delicious and I'd gladly devour either one. It just so happens that MEW's strip is a little tastier to me than Jessica's rib. But not by much.

Just one man's opinion. What are your thoughts?


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