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Face-Off: Kelly LeBrock vs. Phoebe Cates

02.29.2012by: Droz

You didn't seem to have near as much trouble choosing between the hotties in last week's Face Off as we did. You selected Victoria Justice over Selena Gomez by a 2 to 1 margin. I guess that whole creepy little girl face bothered most of you as well.

But enough with the modern day hotties. For today's Face Off, we're going back a few decades - 3 decades, to be exact. Yes, back to the '80s, when everything was unabashedly big and loud and bright and over-the-top. This was the time of acid wash and parachute pants, when hotties with mall hair roamed the land and went through hairspray by the case. It was a time when androgyny was "in" and guys were accidentally knocking their own make up cases off the toilet tank and into the bowl. Looking back, it's hard to imagine how anyone got turned on by the horror show that was the fashion of the day. Yet, there were a few standouts - ladies who, despite the obvious drawbacks of the time, still managed to become iconic in their hotness, going on to elicit erections in multiple generations to follow.

Two such stand outs of the Regan era, Kelly LeBrock (NSFW images here) and Phoebe Cates (NSFW images here), are now mostly absent from the scene, yet still stand as the best of best as far as 80s hotness goes. Now we compare the two, so that we might find out which hottie was the raddest, most tubular, awesome, gnarly, and all around bodacious babe of the 1980s.


Okay, so let's dive in and swim with a little body comparison. Choosing between these two bodies is like SOPHIE'S CHOICE. Many of us were but tikes at the time, but the sight of Kelly's impossibly long legs and tight little ass in a set of tights or a pair of red, silk panties, was enough of a sexual display for any young boy to understand. Such a powerful shot of hot, British-babe action couldn't help but leave an impact - one that remains as potent today as it ever was.

Not to be outdone, Phoebe also had one of the tightest little frames ever. There wasn't a bit of her that was out of place or even slightly enlarged by any stray fat deposits. Being barely of age at the time of her first roles in the early 80s, she was quite obviously in her prime in this decade. Her's was a body as well toned and proportioned as any ever seen on film, before or after.

Being so evenly matched as far as bodies go, we're gonna have to call this one a tie. Just too hard a choice to make.


Also quite difficult call to make here. Kelly was quite a stunner in her day. Apart from her body, her sexy little smirks in WEIRD SCIENCE were like sexual crack. I'd have given anything to elicit that kind of a glance from her. What were Wyatt and Gary thinking?

If there is anything that gives her the second place finish here, it's those somewhat overly full lips of hers. Don't know if there was any collagen injection happening, but she was nonetheless capable of reaching a Steven Tyler intensity of fish lips at times. Not really the best association to make with a hottie.

Phoebe was always quite a stunner, right from the start. Possessing European, Jewish, and Asian heritages, Phoebe's background is a unique blend, which made for an equally unique and gorgeous face, with those full cheeks, brown eyes and pouty lips. Truly one of the most gorgeous faces of the decade, Phoebe's Asian roots have also given her beauty a longevity. Close to 50 now, she's still a beautiful woman. That says all you really need to know right there.

Sex Appeal

Of course, having a hot body and a pretty face aren't enough to make a final decision here. One has to take into consideration how both of these lovely ladies made use of their physical gifts. For Kelly, there were a few choice roles where her sexy was put on full display - and I do mean full. Most of us will remember her role as Lisa in WEIRD SCIENCE, but it's her first role as Charlotte in THE WOMAN IN RED that gave us the best understanding of the hotness that waited for us underneath all those goofy 80s clothes. Those who are familiar with the now legendary waterbed scene from this film can confirm that there was no better hottie to get into bed with, circa 1984, than Kelly.

Yet, there is another iconic sex scene involving an 80s hottie - one that pretty much eclipses all others, not only of that decade but for all time. That, of course, is the sight of Phoebe Cates sans bikini top in the pool scene from FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH. I'm sure we all know that one. It's understandable to assume that this was her only nude scene, yet Phoebe showed off much more of her perfect body in a few obscure movies to follow - movies now mostly remembered via screenshots archived on various porn sites.

Tough choice here as well, but we got to give it to Phoebe. Although many of her more sensual scenes are mostly forgotten, her coming out of that pool stands as one of the greatest nude scenes of the century. Tough competition there.


Though their careers carried on a bit after the 80s, it's safe to say that the heyday for these two hotties was definitely over by the time hair metal gave way to grunge. Therefore, when determining legacy, we gotta pay the most attention to what they gave us during the time period under scrutiny here. For any John Hughes fan, WEIRD SCIENCE and the superhuman exploits of Kelly's character, Lisa, will surely stand as her most memorable legacy. It was Kelly at the peak of her hotness and popularity. Not a bad way to be remembered.

I really hope that Phoebe can look back on her legendary topless scene in FAST TIMES with some appreciation for the timeless appeal it has. Despite a few other memorable roles in movies like GREMLINS, you know that when all of us are long dead and buried, people will still make a note of that scene. Not only because she takes her top off, which is not a difficult thing to witness nowadays if one so chooses. Rather, it's more about how great she looks doing it. You don't often run across a hottie with the physical and sensual attributes necessary to put the viewer into the scene the way Phoebe does there. Which is why she gets the prize here.


It's a shame two such gorgeous ladies of the 80s didn't get more chances to put their hotness on the big screen for us all to appreciate. Perhaps they were eclipsed by iconic roles in their early careers that typecast them later on. Perhaps they just never found their groove as far as their film careers went. Whatever the reason, Kelly LeBrock and Phoebe Cates still stand as two of the most seductive beauties ever put to film in the 1980s. Phoebe gets the nod for the lasting appeal of her poolside reveal, yet both ladies will always have a special place in the hearts of 80s fans everywhere.

Tags: Face-Off


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