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Face Off: Kelly Brook vs. Elisha Cuthbert

03.16.2015by: Droz

Alright, so everyone likes Genesis Rodriguez more than Christina Milian, at least where last week's Face Off is concerned. Something tells me Christina would be a better time in the sack, but that's just speculation. I could be wrong there.

This week sees the premiere of One Big Happy, the unconventional sitcom starring Kelly Brook and Elisha Cuthbert, among others. Sitcoms. That's a mostly mediocre enterprise as of late. Not as much risk-taking or experimentation going on in that genre like there used to be. I've been reading mixed reviews about this one. Some say it sucks. Some say it's saved by the likes of its two hottie stars, who spend the show either getting with other hotties or walking about naked. The two of them could be the edge this sitcom needs to last, though I doubt it's enough to get me to actually watch the show, despite how much I enjoy it's two lead hottie stars. Might make for some interesting compilations later on though. For now though, let's see which of these two big happy hotties gets you the biggest and happiest?


Back in the day Kelly's body was by far the biggest draw on her. Sure she was pretty enough, but my god that bod. The intervening years have smoothed her out there, getting her body and looks a little more inline with each other. The result is a sweet-smiling angel face who I'm just as pleased with above the neck as I am below.

If this were 10 years ago I'd give Elisha the win in this category easily. She might have been the most beautiful thing around back in those days. A decade later, she's still pretty, though not quite what she was. Maybe married life and entering her 30s in the Great White North aren't conducive to the preservation of youthful glows.


Here's an area on Kelly where I'm sure there's some fluctuation in opinion. It's no big secret that Kelly has put on some weight in the last 3 or 4 years. It's understandable. A miscarriage and repeated high profile break ups with various shit bags might make anyone disgusted enough to ditch the pilates for extra helpings of Häagen-Dazs. Those extra pounds never phased me though, as most of it went into her tits anyway. Nothing to complain about there.

Elisha has had her own battles with the bulge over the years. Much like with Kelly, the result of that struggle was never any bother to me. I'd have had her at any time or size over the years. For these two, it comes down to history and raw desire for me. I was obsessed with Kelly's figure the moment I saw it. That's never changed.


On this one I'm going with the entire body of work. Kelly has been bringing the hotness since long before anyone outside of England had any idea who she was. Of course it didn't take long for the whole world to understand the value of so much innate hotness. Since then hardly a month or week has gone by when Kelly hasn't shown off sexy in some fashion. Girl understands where her bread is buttered and how desperate many are to butter it for her.

There was a time when Elisha could have given Kelly a run for her money, at least where displays of hotness are concerned. Girl was all over the softcore spank mags and getting all sexy in her movies and whatnot. I can only guess that was some sort of foot in the door scheme, for those sorts of things reduced markedly after she had a little fame under her belt. Too bad, for if she had continued in those pursuits, I might have been willing to split my vote here.


Kelly's fame comes mostly from the eye candy side of things. That makes sense where her modelling gigs are concerned. However, even her occasional forays into acting have focused mainly on her already established skills at looking hot. It seems this new TV show is giving her a shot at bringing some comedy. However, they're also getting her naked a lot. So the eye candy bit ever persists. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Just maybe not as well rounded as Elisha's exploits.

Elisha got her start as the younger Bauer in 24 and later various noteworthy, if not entirely profound movies. Nowadays she continues to enjoy most of her fame via television. These haven't always been the best shows, but it's more than Kelly has done. Frankly, neither one of these two comes anywhere near what I would consider natural talent. Yet where modest ability and experience are concerned, I think Elisha is due a little more credit.


Yeah, no big surprise that Kelly was my pick. Not too many who could rival her in my eyes. As for this show, I don't hold much hope in it lasting that long, Then again, I might have said the same for abominations like Two And A Half Men when they got their start. So you never know. All I can say with confidence is that anything offering a lesbian Elisha and a nude Kelly deserves a fair shot.

Just one man's opinion. What are your thoughts?


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