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Face Off: Jessica Biel vs. Kate Beckinsale

07.30.2012by: Droz

All you Batman fans picked Anne Hathaway's Catwoman as your Face Off winner against Scarlett Johansson's Black Widow in our last Face Off, by a 2 to 1 margin. Anne did pull off that role with a surprising affinity for the character. She most definitely captured the essence of Catwoman. If they hadn't gone so extreme with her weight loss, I'd have been right there with you.

This Friday brings the release of what will probably by the last, big release of Summer Movie Season 2012, the big-budget remake of the Schwarzenegger classic TOTAL RECALL. Staring two of today's most beloved hotties, Jessica Biel and Kate Beckinsale, fans of these movies will most assuredly enjoy seeing two hotties like these battling one other for the survival of one or the other of Douglas Quaid's dual lives. But before that happens, let's pit them against one another in a Face Off battle and see which TOTAL RECALL hottie is more fondly recalled by all of you folks.


There's some kind of weird thing happening with Jessica's looks. She's not ugly. She just tends to fluctuate a great deal in this area. Sometimes she absolutely stunning, like in the pic above. Look at those eyes and those lips - gorgeous. But then sometimes, she's not as gorgeous. She has moments when she's much more, shall we say, run-of-the-mill. There's never been a time when she disgusted me with her looks, but considering what the competition is bringing here, she's gotta take the silver.

There are beautiful women and then there are beautiful women. When making a list of today's most enchanting women of the screen, you gotta put Kate's mug right up there near the top of the heap. And she's one of those fortunate ladies who's only gotten better with age. She started out somewhat awkward, but has since matured into an angel walking the Earth.


Tough call, but the world's greatest all-around ass vanquishes all. The rest of her is nothing to smirk at either, but there's not a heterosexual man alive who wouldn't at least consider doing away with some part of their person for a shot at dat ass. There are few things in this world to which I would consider giving the designation "perfect." That wonderful mound of flesh erupting from the back of her legs is one of them.

Much like the category above, the competition was pretty overwhelming here. Kate's got an extremely beautiful body, as tight and trim as any I've seen. If you're looking for a perfect expression of the feminine form, you needn't go much father than Kate. It's only the powerful punch her opponent is packing in the junk trunk area that gives Kate the small trophy here. If it were anyone else over there, she'd be the top pick.


Seems like Jessica has been more forthcoming with the sexy in a lot of her roles. There's always something about the characters she plays that's either forceful and strong, intensely erotic or both at the same time. Plus, she's got a really great sexy swagger, which comes from that aforementioned ass she's been given by nature. With that thing jiggling around every time she takes a step, Jessica doesn't even have to make any effort at being sexy. She gets it by nature.

Kate's no slouch in this area either, but I don't get an immediate sensual, sexy vibe from her in her roles or as a person. She has more of a regal feeling that comes from the fact that she's so beautiful and statuesque, like a Renaissance sculpture, one is practically compelled to worship her as such. It wouldn't surprise me if she was carved from marble and alabaster. I can't imagine ever really getting down to some serious nastiness with a woman like that. Okay, maybe I could, but not as readily as I can with Jessica.


I don't know if either one of these ladies is ever going to win an Oscar for anything, so any assessment of Jessica or Kate's individual abilities as thespians comes with the implied understanding they are only moderately skilled in their field. Jessica is certainly able to handle most of the roles she's received and can even manage the odd leading role. I wouldn't look for her to headline any movies come Oscar season, but she's perfectly suited to your summer blockbusters.

I give Kate the win here because she's got a little better track record, what with her numerous leading lady roles and a somewhat more well-rounded body of work. That might just mean that she's been more fortunate with casting directors, but I'm willing to give Kate the benefit of the doubt. She and Jessica are relatively equally matched as far as industry recognition goes. Each has their share of MTV movie awards, Saturn Awards, as well as Razzies. I'm still going say that Kate wins here, but only by a nose.


Jessica has yet to find that big, money-making franchise onto which she can put her name. She's tried a few times to find it, but it hasn't quite worked out yet. She's still working though and getting some decent parts. If she did have that big budget franchise for herself, I'd be comfortable giving them a tie vote here. After all, they've both played an Adam Sandler love interest. There aren't too many things more equalizing than that in modern day Hollywood.

Kate's success in her field has really been buoyed in recent years by her UNDERWORLD franchise. It has been these movies, more than pretty much anything else she's done during her time in Hollywood, that have kept her in the limelight and carved out a comfortable niche for her in Hollywood. She continues to branch out into different work, with mixed results. Still, you could do a lot worse.


Difficult decision to make here, but Kate just managed to pull ahead in the final minutes, with her performance as an actress the deciding factor. Jessica has yet to really nail down a big role, though she keeps trying. In terms of beauty and sexiness, they both have their strengths. Much like anything in this world, if one nitpicks and scrutinizes the details enough, they can separate one from the other in many ways. Still, when it's all said and done, I fully expect that either woman would be more than enough to please just about anyone.

So there's my choice. Which way do you lean?
Tags: Face-Off


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