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Face Off: Jennifer Aniston vs. Jennifer Lopez

04.25.2016by: Droz

It was Charlize Theron over Emily Blunt for last week's Face Off. They're two gorgeous women, which always makes the decision process more difficult. I think ya'll still made a fair assessment. Emily is amazing and will always be one of the great beauties of her time. But Charlize is a just a whole other ball game. She's like royalty. She just has to be hailed.

So Jennifer Aniston is the most beautiful woman in the world now. According to People magazine anyway. As usual, their choice overlooks a comically diverse number of other eligible candidates. These selections are always about People promoting someone and/or referencing a theme to their new edition, which in this case is all about women with long-lasting natural beauty. In that context, I'll grant them their choice. They could have also gone with Jennifer Lopez , who is the same age as Aniston and maybe even hotter. Together they represent the current cream of the crop in bangable, 47-year-old celebs with unusual longevity. Which tail of two Jennifers reads better for you?

Beauty

I've struggled over the years trying to appreciate J-An as much as some do. I hear people go on and on about how amazing she is, while rarely agreeing with them. Not to say that her youthful qualities aren't impressive, or that I have never found her attractive. There are plenty of moments where no one could deny her appeal. Still, most of the time I've found it hard to get on board the Aniston bandwagon as ardently as some other folks. I don't know if this is my issue or theirs, but there it is.

I looked upon J-Lo as an absolute goddess back when she first broke wide. She was one of those women who was so beautiful it hurt. But then the intervening years conspired to change my thinking there. It wasn't so much that she lost her looks or aged terribly. She just became less beautiful. Years of stories about her bitchiness, or her annoyingly pervasive tabloid bullshit, pretty much robbed her of those goddess qualities. Nowadays, she's still a beautiful woman, but the effect her beauty has on me is much diminished from what it once was.

Body

You might not hold much of what these two women do in the highest esteem. Maybe you hate their movies, or their TV shows. Maybe you don't find them especially beautiful. Whatever your thoughts there, one has to acknowledge the rather amazing way these two have managed to preserve their physiques. At almost 50, they still have the bodes of women half their age. Medical science will probably make this phenomenon a far more common thing in years to come. For right now though, it's still an impressive feat. And while I'm sure there have been tremendous aerobic efforts and perhaps millions of dollars spent between them in the pursuit of these bodies, those extravagant expenditures impinge very little on the impressiveness of the results.

← What he said.

Hotness

You may scoff, but it wasn't until the last few years, with movies like HORRIBLE BOSSES or WE'RE THE MILLERS, that I became truly enthusiastic and appreciative of J-An's hotness. There were a number of factors which played into this anti-Aniston hotness sentiment, most of it boiling down to personal bias. It wasn't until she did incredible stripteases and portrayed herself as the mother of all nymphos that I could get past my mental block there.

When talking about J-Lo's hotness, one can bring up a number of things. But eventually, you gotta come back to her ass. Despite all her skills and personal traits, which have no doubt contributed to her success over the years, I don't think one can honestly deny how important her butt has been in elevating J-Lo above many similar names in her line of work. Many bigger and more flamboyant asses have come along in the interim, but it's still Jen's ass that retains the most fascination for many an ass man.

Career

See right. →

Both Jennifers have built up impressive entertainment empires over the course of almost 3 decades now, thanks to TV shows and movies. J-Lo also has her recording career. These empires have amassed vast fortunes for them, despite a seemingly excessive number of miserable failures between them. I don't count myself as a fan of their stuff, but I also can't count out all the people who are. Anyway, it's difficult to say one is more prolific than the other here. They seem equally matched to me.

J-Lo

I may not like everything about these two, but they do have their redeeming features. I'm especially fond of what redeems J-Lo in my eyes, most of which is perfectly illustrated in the pic above.

Just one man's opinion. What are your thoughts?

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