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Face Off: Heather Graham vs. Julianne Moore

09.10.2012by: Droz

You guys picked Elizabeth Banks over Rachel McAdams by a 13 to 8 vote in our last Face Off. Pretty close vote there, which is appropriate for two ladies so evenly matched in many ways.

When pondering which film I enjoy the most from our current Hottie of the Month, Heather Graham, I keep coming back to that seminal (pun intended) porn epic BOOGIE NIGHTS, which is still one of her finest performances. And not just because 26 year old Heather was hot as hell in those skates, naked as a Jaybird and banging the shit out of anything that moved. She also gave a great performance as the troubled teenage porn star Roller Girl.

It therefore made sense to see how well Heather stacks up against her co-star in that film, the equally scorching Julianne Moore, who was also fantastic as Amber Waves, the porn matriarch looking for someone to love. Being that this is a Face Off, we must now ask which one of these two ladies we would rather fulfill our pornographic fantasies with? Here are a few factors to consider...


What can I say? The redheads are always going to have an advantage with me. Heather is clearly gorgeous and against anyone else, she'd be a posing a serious threat. I'm especially fond of those twin pools of aqua blue she calls eyes - so big and beautiful and bearing so much of her bubbly personality. She is terrific to look at. That being said, Julianne's got too perfect a head of crimson for me to refuse.

Just look at that hair. Julianne has been captivating for years, simply by virtue of that hair. Of course, that's not all she's got going for her in the looks department. She's also quite beautiful in the face. And for a redhead lover, the pale skin and freckles are a welcome part of the package. Though I have to be honest and admit that the hair is always going to be the thing with me and Julianne. That's just about the most beautiful head of hair in Hollywood as far as I'm concerned.


So Julianne edges out with the looks, but Heather wins by a comfortable margin in the body department. She's always had the most exquisite body, with everything just about perfect in its proportions. Nothing too big, nothing too small. She's not super thin, yet still firm and trim. I'd say she's got everything you'd ever need in a woman, at least as far as body goes.

I got no issues with Julianne's body. I kind of like that classical figure she has. She's always reminded me of something from a Renaissance painting in her dimensions. Nothing to scoff at and certainly nothing I would ever turn away. If anything causes her to lose out here, it's the impressiveness of her opponent's bodily features. I've been lusting after Heather's attributes for decades now. That's called "commitment."


Take a minute to observe how Heather carries herself, both in her films and in real life, and you'll find pretty quickly that she is almost always about titillation. You rarely ever see her at a premiere or a party or a premiere party, without some sort of provocative ensemble wrapped around the most minimal part of her body possible. Gotta give recognition to someone so committed to turning on everyone in sight.

Julianne's handling it more conservatively, in keeping with that whole A-list, celebrated actress thing. I guess when you're looking to play in the big leagues, they prefer you keep away from the sort of erect nipple and excessive cleavage action Heather gets down to on a regular basis. That's too bad, because when Julianne does the occasional provocative role, it's a great reminder of how fantastic she's held up over the years.


The thing about these two is that they often seem to play the same sorts of characters over and over. Sure, there's a little variation in terms of plot and occasionally they do branch out in different stuff. Yet, for both ladies, there are distinct trends in the kinds of characters they tend to play. For Heather, one of those trends is the sexually free-spirited character who, either by nature or through some aspect of the plot, finds herself opened up sexually. Of course, these roles are my favorite. Heather running around completely naked or curtsying on some lucky guy's face is just good film making.

Julianne's recurring characters as of late seem to focus on motherhood roles, which obviously don't hold as much potential for butt naked romps. Although she does still get down to some tasty nude scenes despite her role as the nurturer. I was especially fond of her in roles in recent movies like THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT and CHLOE, where she rather enthusiastically explored the potential of both sexes. Unfortunately, we don't get enough of those Amber Waves throwbacks. Hopefully Julianne can put out a few more of those provocative roles before she's too old for them.


Heather has a handful of memorable roles in movies I enjoy, but a lot of her films are indie flicks I have yet to see or others have very little interest in seeing at all. I like Heather and I'm sure she's fine in these movies I haven't or will not see, but I can count on one hand the number of films in her filmography that I really enjoy. Not necessarily a ringing endorsement for her career.

Julianne also indulges in genres that are totally off my radar. However, the films on her resume I enjoy do require a few more fingers than Heather's. Movies like THE BIG LEBOWSKI and CHILDREN OF MEN are popular with a lot of folks, but I also enjoyed her in lesser known or appreciated movies like MAGNOLIA or THE SHIPPING NEWS. Not exactly a ringing endorsement maybe, but good enough to get her the win here.


Heather has always been one hot ticket and that doesn't appear to be changing any time soon. She still consistently knocks it out of the park with her beauty and sexiness, even at the ripe old age of 42. Julianne is similarly inclined in the hotness department, keeping such fire alive for an impressive 52 years. Heather wins by virtue of being beautifully built and unphased by a libertine approach to film making. Yet I'm quite fond of both these ladies. One edges out the other here by only a small margin.

That's my choice. What's yours?
Tags: Face-Off


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