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Face Off: Eva Mendes vs. Jessica Biel

03.02.2015by: Droz

Some folks were adamant about their appreciation for Margot Robbie in last week's Face Off. Unfortunately for them, being adamant wasn't enough, as more of you agreed with me that Olivia Wilde was the hotter hottie between the two of them. So there you go.

Both Eva Mendes and Jessica Biel are celebrating birthdays this week. Eva turns 41, Jessica 33. They're not spring chickens anymore, but they still heat things up big time regardless of their ages. Of course, you take the good with the not-so-good where these two are concerned. Both these ladies also currently shack up and have been knocked up by dudes the ladies lust after. Eva's got that Gosling dude, Jessica has Timberlake. Yeah, whatever. What's important is that Eva and Jess are hot and we love them. But which of these birthday girl hotties do we all love the most?


There have been slightly different versions of Eva over the years, thanks to a handful of tasteful surgical alterations here or there. Thankfully those changes have never been sufficient to ruin Eva's beauty. Even after having a kid and living 4 decades of life, she is still just as gorgeous today as she was the first time I laid eyes on her. Once again it's those magical Latin genes working wonders for youthful resilience.

I can't understand how a person's beauty can shift so dramatically as Jessica's does. She might pose for a picture where she's got a certain look at one moment, but then in the next she turns her head or smiles and somehow adopts a totally different look. I've given up trying to explain it. I can only assume she's some kind of multi-dimensional being who is gorgeous in some planes of existence and just okay in others.


Body has always been the area where Eva was perhaps the most gifted. I know I've always been smitten with every inch of her right off the bat - a condition furthered by all the great views she's given us of her great body. The only reason I give this one to Jessica is that Eva's body, as good as it is, has nonetheless not received the same kind of reverence that Jessica's has. Not that it doesn't deserve it.

Jess has a spectacular body, most especially where butts are concerned. It's feasible Jessica might not have had the career she's had, were it not for the glory of dat ass. So impressive is her booty that it's become almost legend for many who revere it. Praise like this is important, what with all the overblown ass competitors seeking to distract attention with their overstuffed cheeks. I just hope all this baby gestating nonsense that Jessica is up to now doesn't negatively effect her much beloved butt. That would be a tragedy.


Whatever issues one might come up with to either boost or slight these two in the above areas, the one thing that can be said about both these ladies is that they're both two of the hottest women of my generation or any generation for that matter. Not too much to squabble or nitpick about on that.

← Read that.


Eva's prominence as an actress has waned in recent years. She used to be everywhere, but then that kind of fizzled. She occasionally gets a supporting role here and there, but even those have lessened to little more than a handful of lines or mere uncredited cameos. Curious why that is. Yeah, she's not the greatest actress ever, but since when was that a prerequisite to a successful career? We see shitty actors getting work all the time - actors far worse than Eva is. I don't know why Eva isn't more widely seen in stuff, but it seems to be the case as of late.

As with Eva, I don't think Jessica is the greatest actress ever, but also not the worst. Jessica does get a lot more work though, compared to her competitor here anyway. That work might not always come in the best of movies, but there is certainly a lot more work to speak of for Jess. Again, the reason for this is nebulous. Perhaps the difference there comes down to Jessica having a better reputation or a more determined agent. Whatever the explanation, I think it's clear that Jessica wins here.


Jessica and Eva pretty much cancel each other out in physical attributes. Jessica is my pick for being more widespread on movie screens. I'd still be delirious to have either one.

Just one man's opinion. What are your thoughts?


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