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Face Off: Elizabeth Banks vs. Kristen Bell

05.13.2013by: Droz

Oh goody, goody! Lot's of conflicted thoughts about our previous Face Off between Natalie Portman and Amy Adams. I like it when ya'll are so divided. In the end, Natalie managed to scrape out an extra couple votes to win by a nose, but I'm pretty sure the love for these two is equally balanced.

Most everyone was honoring their moms this weekend, which gives us a good opportunity to honor a pair of new moms by comparing them to one another. Both these ladies have had new bundles of joy recently. Elizabeth Banks welcomed a new boy late last year and Kristen Bell did the same just a few weeks ago with a new daughter. Now we got to decide which of these two new moms is the hotter MILF. So who you got? Answer below.


I don't have a problem with Elizabeth's looks. She's plenty cute, even beautiful. The fact that she's second here is due mostly to my love for Kristen's sweet little face. Not to be a dick, but many a beautiful hottie would find themselves taking the silver trophy next to Kristen in the beauty department. So no reason to feel bad too for Liz then. Besides, I'm sure there are a few of you who will disagree with me here.

I remember feeling rather conflicted, even disbelieving about Jason Siegel's character in FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL when he so quickly moves on from Kristen's character in that movie. Sure, the alternative was Mila Kunis, but I still would have required a lot more suffering time before I managed to push Kristen's sweet face out of my mind. Even if it was Mila helping me push her out.


Remember that scene in WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER when the girls strip down and do that semi-skinny dip scene while the guys watch them from the trees? I don't think I'll ever forget the part when Elizabeth pulls her shorts off and that lovely, full ass just spreads out in those little rainbow panties. Damn. That movie is funny as shit, with a ton of memorable scenes. Yet whenever I think about it, it's Elizabeth's beautiful, curvy body that comes to mind. Years and years later, she's still got that hot body. I hope it never goes away.

Kristen is no slouch in the body department either. If I have any problem with her at all here (which I don't, really) it's that I like me a curvier body and Kristen's a bit more trim than I usually like. Given the choice between Kristen's trimmer body and Liz's curvy one, I gotta go with the curvy.


Being in a Kevin Smith movie doesn't necessarily void Elizabeth from geekdom membership. However, hers was the porn tribute Kevin Smith movie, which puts a different take on her. There's just something about Elizabeth that hits that hotness tuning fork in my brain. I think it comes back to those lovely curves. She's rocking some serious hourglass goodness under them clothes. Hanging around playing video games and watching movies would not suffice for Liz. Somewhere along the line, I'd have to make my move there. Then a few minutes later, slapped and shoved out the door for my trouble. I'm such a glass half full guy, aren't I?

I don't know, I think that whole geek girl thing Kristen has going on did something different for me than it has for others. Rather than being turned on by girls who subscribe to geekiness, I'm normally just fond of them - kind of like a good friend who just so happens to be smoking hot. Finding out that a hottie likes to sit around and play XBox or watch STAR WARS, makes me want to sit and play Xbox or watch STAR WARS with them. It's the ones who are way far beyond my grasp and completely outside my sphere of understanding that earn my obsession. Just one of the many ways I like to torture myself.


I'm not going to say that everything Elizabeth has done was my very favorite, but there are more things in her CV that show up in my favorites list - things like Modern Family, 30 Rock, Scrubs, The SPIDERMAN movies, ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO, etc. She's doing something similar to Kristen in that she's just skirting the outside of my sphere of media appreciation. The difference is that she occasionally penetrates that sphere a little deeper than Kristen does. Mmmm, penetrate. See, now I'm thinking of her ass again.

Kristen has ridden the outskirts of movies and shows I like, but she's not done a whole lot of stuff as a central player that interests me much. Her most well known things like Veronica Mars or Gossip Girl are nothing I've even the least little bit of an interest in. That really sucks because I like what she brings to those shows and movies that I have seen her in. It's another one of those situations where I hope she does something more my speed so I can appreciate her even more than I already do.


I hate to rule against Kristen in anything, but I have no choice. The check marks fall where they like in this thing. It just so happens that Elizabeth gets the win this time around. Things might have gone differently if Kristen and I weren't so far apart on the worthiness of her acting gigs, but I regret nothing. Elizabeth is one fine hottie I'd be more than happy to have as my own.

Anyway, that's what I think. What's your take?


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