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Face Off: Diane Lane vs. Monica Bellucci

11.02.2015by: Droz

Despite all the many similarities between Diora Baird and Sara Malakul Lane, I went with Sara in last week's Face Off. Ya'll went with Diora. I can understand. Diora is the more familiar of the two for many people, but Sara is catching up to her real quick there. I expect she'll only get more popular after her KICKBOXER remake premieres next year.

A lot of hype has been made about Monica Bellucci and her role in this new Bond movie. As the oldest Bond Girl ever, she is rewriting the rules on that particular relationship dynamic. All the hype is unfortunately obscuring another movie coming out this week, the Dalton Trumbo biopic TRUMBO, starring Bryan Cranston and one Diane Lane. It's fitting both Diane and Monica have movies coming out at the same time, as they epitomize what it means to age gracefully for women of their generation, who first made their names back in the 80s. Not too many in that lot still able to live up to the standards they set so many years back. But which cellularly resilient hottie is holding up better for you?

Beauty

Diane has had a profound effect on my predilections in this category. Back when I was just a tyke, she was one of those fresh new faces and very much the embodiment of the American girl in her day. Diane may also be the impetus for my fascination with the redheads, thanks to her role as Cherry Valance in THE OUTSIDERS. She's had so many beautiful moments over the years, but I'll always picture her as Cherry with the sweet Stingray convertible. That's as close to perfect as any image my mind's eye has ever concocted.

Monica and Diane represent different aspects of beauty as we define such things nowadays. While Diane has the American beauty thing covered about as well as anyone could, Monica answers her with the very best of the exotic, breathtakingly stunning European beauty. Her French and Italian ancestry is the perfect sampling of what beauties from her part of the world have to offer. Sure, there's a dense field of European hotties one could crown as the most beautiful woman that continent has ever produced. I submit Monica's name as a serious candidate for that title.

Body

Reference any point on the timeline of Diane's life in the spotlight and you will witness the superiority inherent in her bod. Girl has always been one of the more improbably perfect combinations of good looks and perfect bodies. Diane has managed to keep this great body of hers for the entirety of her career. Not a single unflattering moment in all that time. Even today, Diane easily stands as a woman far better put together than some half her age.

Monica has been just as consistent here as Diane, which isn't a surprise when you remember she started out a model well known for frequent nude spreads. Good thing too, as her body was made for such things. Monica also matches Diane in the longevity of her great bod and her Bond Girl duties are the perfect testament to this fact. No way they're going to pair 007 up with anything but the most impressively built beauties.

Hotness

I could go on and on, laying out all kinds of reasons why these two are hot. I don't need to do this though. The facts speak for themselves here. No overstatement required. If you've seen anything of Diane or Monica in the last 30+ years, you know just as well as I do how legitimate their claim to hotness is. It's just a given.

←That says it all.

Career

I'm a bigger fan of the movies Diane did back in the day, rather than her work in this decade, which tends to delve a little too far into chick flick territory. None of which really matters anyway, because Diane is one of those women I can watch in just about anything. Although I will say casting her in MAN OF STEEL was probably a mistake. Not because she was bad in it. It's just not appropriate to wonder what Ma Kent looks like out of her shorts.

I wouldn't blame someone in the States for thinking Monica wasn't too great an actress. I find much of her Hollywood roles are more about eye candy than legitimate acting gigs. I've found Monica's best work seems to happen in her European roles, where she can speak in her native tongues and be respected for more than her superior looks. Hopefully they will reverse that trend with SPECTRE. That said, if you do need some eye candy, there are worse places to turn.

IT'S A TIE!

I knew I was presenting myself an impossible choice right from the start with this one. It just wouldn't feel right to pick one over the other this time around. Maybe you can. Give it a shot.

Just one man's opinion. What are your thoughts?

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