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Face Off: Diane Kruger vs. Malin Akerman

10.05.2015by: Droz

Most folks seemed to agree that Julianne Moore gave way to Jessica Chastain in our hottest redhead contest, aka last week's Face Off. Then the universe went and punished me for my choice by adding BOOGIE NIGHTS to the Netflix movie lineup this month. That made the think I made a mistake, until I went to see THE MARTIAN, at which point I reversed again. Those gorgeous redheads - I can never pick just one.

This week we leave the redheads behind and give the blondes their day in court. Both Malin Akerman and Diane Kruger come from those powerhouses of blondness, Sweden and Germany. That perhaps grants them exalted status where blonde hotties go. There was a time when I used to get these two confused with one another. I suppose that lets my prejudice of blondes show. "He thinks they all look alike" is what you're probably thinking now. Yeah, okay, I tend to side with hotties of other hair colors. That doesn't mean I would ever let a lack of enthusiasm for hay-colored hair get in the way with two fine ass ladies like Malin and Diane. Anyway, which of these two blonde bombshells is your favorite?

Beauty

Diane stands as one of the few women who not only transcends my boredom with blondes, but inspires my fascination specifically because of her blondness. She's dyed it a few other colors over the years and in doing so proved a face beautiful enough to portray a convincing Helen of Troy remains beautiful in nearly any condition. Diane defies my sensibilities by being exactly as I would have her as a blonde.

Malin conforms to the typical scenario I experience with blondes, namely that I like them more when they're otherwise hair colored. I thought she took on all sorts of new dimensions of sexy when she played the reddish-haired Silk Spectre in WATCHMEN (and not just for that sex scene in the Owlship). With her blonde hair intact, Malin is pretty enough. Just not quite as noticeable as Diane is in her natural state.

Body

It comes down to the effects of motherhood on the body when evaluating these two. Diane remains personally unaffiliated with the raising of rugrats, which is probably why she's in fantastic physical shape even in her late 30s. Starting out as a world class model probably doesn't hurt there either. It's ironic that Diane is childless, since she's got a pair of beautiful childbearing hips. Her waist-to-hip ratio is one of my favorites in the pantheon of Hollywood hotties. Just about perfect they are.

A few years back I might have tied this one up. Malin has herself a modelling background just like Diane and once possessed an equally perfect figure. She's still plenty bangable after having the kid, but it's the usual scenario where I'd much rather have had her before she squeezed one out. Damn kids. They always gotta come in and spoil everybody's fun with their meddlesome desire to exist.

Hotness

Something that has always been alluring to me are women who seem way too perfect to get naked, yet do so anyway. You wouldn't expect someone as beautiful as Diane to be so at ease with showing you all she has to offer. One might expect her to hide that away like a precious jewel for only a few to see. Such is not the case with Diane, who gets naked or nearly naked all the time. She's very good at her work there.

I'm just as fond of Malin's various nude or near nude exploits in the media over the years. That previously mentioned Owlship bang session stands as one of her best showings here and an example the Marvel movies should consider following (it's not like an R-rating will impede their success at this point). Malin also takes on hotness properties with her comedic timing. I like a girl with a sense of humor. Being both sexy and side-splitting is a great combination.

Career

I can't decide on this one. One could argue that Diane's tendency toward the foreign or art house variety of film projects makes her stuff more likely to engender a greater amount of respect in some people's eyes. That also makes many of her movies far more obscure, at least where I'm concerned. But I loved her in INGLORIOUS BASTERDS and The Director's Cut of TROY will always be a favorite of mine. Whether in limited or wide release, I find Diane usually offers up a respectable performance. I've never had reason to dislike her in anything.

If we were going purely by acting ability here, I'd easily give this one to Diane. Malin is what I consider a passable actress - capable in the mid-range of human emotion, but tasked when the mood creeps into more intense areas. That said, she has made some far more memorable stuff by me. We've discussed WATCHMEN. There's also her memorable role in the first HAROLD AND KUMAR movie. And of course, Children's Hospital, which is one of my favorite [adult swim] shows.

Diane

Two beautiful blondes here, both credits to their genetic makeup. For me, Diane is the more fetching overall. Sure, I've had a number of great moments with Malin, but Diane has an extra special something I can't deny.

Just one man's opinion. What are your thoughts?

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