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Face Off: Christina Hendricks vs. Kat Dennings

03.18.2013by: Droz

Were there some sneaky folks messing about in last week's Face Off. between Sofia Vergara and Jessica Biel? I always suspect some not-so-clever meddling with the browser cookies when I see such lopsided comment votes in a closely contested Face Off. Well, congrats, potential meddlers. All your diligence earned you exactly squat, as Jessica Biel still won, regardless of your love for Sofia. Not that I'm knocking those who love Sofia. Girl is smoking - that's why I picked her for this. Just turned out the majority of us love Jessica a little more. I guess this proves that comment votes mean squat when it comes to Face-Off results. Time to direct your efforts elsewhere, clever dicks.

Manipulative boobs aside, this week we're comparing two more ladies who have an extra special something in common. Melons of people watch Christina Hendricks and Kat Dennings on their respective TV shows every week, many just for the opportunity to catch a glimpse of their massive mounds. So popular are these cans do ladies persuasive pairs, they've helped win them awards and actually manage to keep one of their shows afloat with little more than the buoyancy of her bouncing baby balloons. Tough job then, deciding which gallons and her enormous eye magnets gets the biggest vote tatas. This is an udderly huge undertaking, but let's jugs honkers down and see if one of them will knockers it out of the park. Tits.

Bosoms

It's yet another Sophie's choice. It feels ridiculous even attempting to make the claim that one of these ladies is better than the other in this category. Truth be told, I would sever vital parts of my person for a chance to get at what either of these two ladies is rocking under their reinforced bras. Gotta make a choice though and the mystery factor gets the better of me here. We have yet to get a good look at everything Christina has going on under there (unless you believe the leaked pics are of her). Though the sight of at least 3 quarters of them sticking out of her awards show dresses is enough to know that they are heaven sent for the big boob fan.

Okay, I'll come clean and admit that I flipped a coin on this one. There's no way for me to choose rationally between two such wonderful racks. It's as if one were presented with two equally wonderful concepts of paradise and then asked to decide which one was better. There's just no way to do it. The only thing you can do is cover your eyes, play eeny, meeny, miny, moe and do your best not to think too much about the one you passed up.

Beauty

I know my fellow Firefly fans will agree that Christina's first appearance on many folks' radar over a decade ago was not so much as the big-boobied goddess, but as the sweet-faced betrothed to Captain Malcolm. Of course, we soon came to appreciate the full package when she went sans clothing later, but up until her Mad Men debut, my memory of Christina was more about how gorgeous she was on that show. Ten years later, Christina is still a beautiful woman.

Kat's beauty is a little more, shall we say, esoteric? She's not your traditional beauty, but I actually kind of like that. It's a good thing when the hotties defy the beauty norms and do their own thing. However, there are times when her exaggerated features, like those puffy lips, get a little out of control. For instance, if she wears too dark a lipstick it starts too look like she's suffering from a shellfish allergy. Though when she keeps it natural, she's a stunner. It's that easy tipping point that gives her second place here.

Body

I suspect the effects of married life have caused Christina to ease up on the cardio lately. I'm not going to complain, as curves don't bother me. However, she has come dangerously close to violating the borders of curvaceous and proceeding into pudgy in recent years. Thankfully new seasons of Mad Men have spurred her to get into better shape, but who knows what might happen when that show goes off the air. Hopefully Christina can keep it together. I'd hate to see her take the Kirstie Alley path.

Kat is no stranger to the curves, though she has managed to keep them in check thus far. Kat is a throwback to those classier days of old, when all the fine hotties had bodies like mountain roads. Her body is how I would have all women's bodies look. Sadly, few ladies in Hollywood seem to agree with me. I know Kat does though, which is why she wins here.

Blurry Naked Pics

So awful that such terrible people would commit these criminal abuses against the privacy of two such beloved hotties. Okay, now that we've got the bullshit caveats out of the way, we can decide which leaked pics were better. Unfortunately for Christina, her flirtations with candid cellphone photography were more cute than carnal. Sure, there was that one pic, but I'm calling shenanigans on that. Christina denies it's her and it's also too convenient in that it's got nothing but zoomed in boobs. Still a nice set of pics to satisfy the peeping tom in all of us, but lagging behind against her competition in this round.

Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you feel about them, the days of leaked celebrity cellphone pics are probably behind us. Hackers are scared of doing serious prison time and celebs are so scared about people rifling through their phones that they've probably enacted various draconian safety measures. Still, it can be argued that the best pic proceeds to come from that brief window of famous hottie privacy intrusion were Kat's. It's clear she knew what the intended recipient of her photos wanted to see and didn't fail to deliver. Unfortunately for Kat, many unintended recipients also got a look, but she has little reason for embarrassment. Kat's got nothing to be ashamed of.

Boob Tube Shows

Mad Men will go down as one of the finest shows ever broadcast. A lot of that has to do with Christina, who over 6 seasons has created many of that show's best moments. Her sassy office overseer character Joan and the endless, blatant acts of office place sexual harassment she deals with, may not be politically correct. Yet as a frank exploration of bygone days, it's damn fine television. Also, Christina looks hot in those tight, 60s dresses. I can say that, right?

I'm no sitcom fan, so perhaps my bias is showing here. However, I'm pretty sure Two Broke Girls is the most unfunny thing I've ever watched. It's not even good for a chuckle. All I really got out of it was the opportunity to see Kat in a tight waitress uniform. This may be one of the few shows in television history to be kept afloat by the power of tits. I hope everyone on that show gives Kat's boobs a little kickback for keeping them in a job.

Christina

If you enjoy indulging in the wonders of the big boobs, either one of these ladies is a walking nirvana. I give Christina the win here because she's got a more consistently pretty face and a better TV show. Paltry issues aside, as a veteran spokesperson for the big titty committee, I find little to complain about in either of these hotties.

That's where I'm at. Where are you?
POST YOUR CHOICE BELOW...!!

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