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Face Off: Carla Gugino vs. Rachel Weisz

08.29.2016by: Droz

No clear winner in last week's Face Off between Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Jessica Alba. This is probably for the best. Sure, we could go on and on about all their various good points until kingdom come. Yet, in the end, it's always gonna be two insanely hot women anyone would be lucky to have. Best to just leave it at that.

Today marks Carla Gugino's 45th birthday. Earlier this year was Rachel Weisz's 46th. Bravo to them for managing to defy the years with just as much sex appeal as hotties half their age - maybe even more, what with their claim to that sexy older woman thing. As two of our best and brightest 40-somethings in the celebrity world, they not only give us steadily calcifying geezers faith in things that last, but have also blessed us with an excellent back catalog of great hottie moments. It's unfortunately now incumbent on us to select one cougarific hottie who best embodies the "I'm not getting older, I'm getting better" philosophy. Who you got?

Beauty

It's impressive how long Carla has been a fascination of mine in this category - approaching 30 years, which is hard to believe sometimes. She started out being beautiful on after school programming, usually as the cutest girl in school. This was the sort of role Carla managed to extend out well into the 90s. Thereafter she's been a frequent go to source for those in need of a good looking older woman. It's been a natural progression for her, with her loveliness being the one constant throughout.

I didn't think much of Rachel early on in her career. I first saw her in STEALING BEAUTY back in '96 and wasn't impressed, despite her being topless in it. She was vying with Liv Tyler in that one, who I was very much about in those days. My disinterest in Rachel endured with movies like CHAIN REACTION and THE MUMMY. It wasn't until she played the cutest little commie ever in ENEMY AT THE GATES that I began to open my eyes to Rachel's cuteness qualifications. Since then I've been permanently smitten with her. I just do my best to pretend those first 5 years never happened.

Body

In any kind of discussion of Carla's body, I gotta go back to that immortal scene from SIN CITY. You know the one I mean. Carla's ass, illuminated in the moonlight, her huge rack bouncing around in between the shadows. Few moments of on screen nudity have appealed to my propensity for a curvy body better than Carla's naked nighttime stroll. Since then I've come to hold her body up as the perfect expression of the kind of woman I'd have, had I my pick of the litter. From the looks of things, not much has changed with Carla in the decade that's followed. Good to see.

As good as the years have been to Rachel, it could be argued by the hopelessly nitpicky that she's not quite as tight as she used to be. Alright, fair enough. That's only natural. Skin gets saggy and fat is harder to take off past a certain age. Still, Rachel looks better now than any female I've ever been with at any point in my life. She looks better right now than most women, regardless of age. Carla takes this for me because of specific features I find preferable on her. That said, I would never speak ill of Rachel's bod. She looks fantastic.

Hotness

Again it's more about the little things rather than anything major separating one from the other here for me. Carla seems like she's devoted the greater part of her time as a celebrity to roles with a certain sexual oomph. Not to suggest that Rachel is any kind of slouch there either. But if you look at her movies, her magazine work and various interviews she's given, you'll find Carla just seems to come complete with a sexy vibe, almost like it's just an understood thing.

←Over there.

Career

This is an area I'm a little touchy about where Carla is concerned. I've never disliked her in anything I've seen her in. I might not have liked the movie or whatever, but I've always enjoyed Carla. I can't rightly claim she doesn't work, as she's been in close to 100 projects in her career. She's still never been a big enough name in my estimation. Even now, I guarantee someone is gonna be clueless as to who she is. Some may have seen her before, but they don't connect the woman with the name. That's always pissed me off a little. Carla deserves better.

The 21st century has had no trouble realizing what good things Rachel has going for her as an actress. She's been a regular fixture in many an Oscar bait movie and even managed to win herself a golden bald dude for THE CONSTANT GARDNER. She deserves all the acclaim she receives. Even in her not-so-great movies, she's still great. Much like Carla, it's hard to go wrong with Rachel.

Carla

I can already hear the naysayers bitching on this one. Hey, I love Rachel just as much as anyone. I'd love to make all these tie games. But in this instance, things just went a little more in Carla's column for me. I have no regrets.

Just one man's opinion. What are your thoughts?

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