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Face Off: Brooklyn Decker vs. Kate Upton

05.14.2012by: Droz
Winona Ryder just barely won over Drew Barrymore in last week's last Face Off, edging her out by a 5 to 4 vote. I agree with some of your sentiments about how both women today have declined in some ways (that will happen over the course of 2 decades), but in their prime, which was the criteria by which we examined them, I agree with the feeling that Winona was superior.

Now on to two more ladies who are most definitely in their prime. Brooklyn Decker and Kate Upton are both well recognized and beloved models working today, having both done covers for high profile magazines like Sports Illustrated. And both are in possession of amazing bodies and beautiful faces. They are quite understandably beloved by many for the bountiful, buxom, bodies. There can be only one when it comes to the title of most bountiful, though. Right? Can anyone honestly say that one is better than the other here? I don't know. These are two damn fine women. But, what the hell - let's give it a try.

The Cans

Impossible to pick a winner here. They're both in possession of ridiculously hot racks. Choosing one over the other would be like a sin. Brooklyn's got some of the finest cleavage out there right now. The two of them just cleave together so perfectly. They're also perfectly shaped, perfectly cupped, and perfectly highlighted at all times. In other words, they're perfect.

If there's anything one might use to distinguish one set of boobs over the other here, it's the fact that Brooklyn has actually put her's out there unsheathed more than once, which is great. But I can't penalize Kate for having yet to do the same. I don't think it will be long before she gives up the goods. She's practically there already.

The Curves

I keep coming back to this video of Brooklyn, which is probably one of my favorite things to happen this year. Everything about her body is perfect. She's just busting out a beautiful, shapely body that's just as toned and tight as it is smooth and womanly. This is how I love to see a woman.

Kate also has an impressive body, though she is given to some weight fluctuations that haven't always been flattering to her. She's looking pretty good now, so we'll see how long that lasts. I've also found her a bit deficient in the waist to hip ratio. These are minor gripes, though. There's nothing about her that would make anyone hesitate for a second. The competition is just really strong here.

The Cuteness

Brooklyn is beautiful, and when done up right, her beauty can really come out brilliantly. Then some other times, she seems much more like any other pretty woman. In no way is she ugly, but she's also not the kind of sculpted, perfect beauty you might expect from an international movie star and former supermodel. A lot of times she seems very much like the hot girl at the office - beautiful when compared to most everyone else, but not in an iconic way.

My vote for Kate here doesn't suggest that she's somehow more beautiful than Brooklyn. If anything, her features just work a bit better for me. I find myself much more inclined toward those doe eyes, full cheeks and full lips. These two are interesting in that neither has that kind of ethereal, untouchable beauty you often see with models. I personally know women who could equal or rival Kate and Brooklyn in the beauty department. I actually kind of like that about them. Theirs is a more down-to-earth beauty.

The Careers

Like many a model who came before her, Brooklyn's career has expanded from the standard "look pretty" jobs models are known for, and expanded into true entertainment. That climb from purely visual stimulus to moving and speaking person has happened rather quickly over her somewhat brief career in the spotlight. In less than 10 years she's gone from teenage model, to high profile supermodel, and now on to TV and feature film actress. And she's proven herself pretty good at all of those pursuits. Good stuff.

Already an accomplished model, Kate hasn't quite moved into the entertainment side of things just yet. She's made some brief sojourns into movies, but they were small parts and inconclusive as far as the extent of her talent goes. She's still young and taking her time on that, but if I had to guess, I'd say Kate probably wont be winning any acting awards. Then again, you never know. Perhaps the seasoning of a few more years will prove her a great thespian. Only time will tell.


Truth be told, I wouldn't be able to pick either Brooklyn or Kate, had I the unbelievable good fortune of having to chose between them. The dire implications of such a selection process would probably give me an aneurysm for my trouble, and I'd die miserable and forsaken, having never tasted either of their ripe fruits. I give Brooklyn the vote here because someone has to win, but one night with either would be like a return to paradise. Curse all you sports people and your wicked, supermodel-attracting powers.

Which one is your favorite?
Tags: Face-Off


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