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Don't you wish you were Jessica Lowndes' cup of coffee right now?

03.30.2016by: Cherry Liquor
When you're Jessica Lowndes and the best thing you're known for is looking like Megan Fox-Lite, what is there to do? First, you get a cheap role on a throw-away reboot show like "90210," then you start telling everyone what you really want to do is sing, then you release a "remix" of a shitty song that you did that no one paid attention to, then you make a video about said song with former "SNL" comedian Jon Lovitz where you pretend that you're secretly engaged... THEN you tell everyone the relationship was a prank in order to get them to listen to said shitty song and check out the video, where the pop-up info distracts people from how shitty the song is. Then you go out for a cup of joe and latch your lips so completely over the lid that people can't pay attention to any of the other stuff you just did. I don't think that Jess should have given up the charade so soon, if only because she can use all the help she can get to kickstart a legitimate career. She's been on the fringe for too long and if you're only known for being pretty (and that prettiness is really a knockoff of someone who is already doing it better) and you're on the deeper side of your 20s, it's time to get super serious.

Source: CelebMafia


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