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BOTB Assassins: Angelina Jolie vs Devon Aoki vs Uma Thurman

12.22.2016by: Cherry Liquor

I thought it might to fun to take a walk on the the thicker side of the road last week when I matched up three of the top plus sized models but you guys didn't have as strong of a response to those juicy thighs that I do. Or at least, you chose not to speak out about lovin' the chub, aside from three brave souls who deemed Robyn Lawley the hottest of the bunch. I'm still surprised our Sophie Simmons fans were silent and I know you guys have a thing for Ashley Graham as well, considering the love her posts normally get. So I guess this week it's back to the leaner and most definitely meaner women, as we use ASSASSIN'S CREED for inspiration into 3 of the most notable female movie assassins.

Angelina Jolie

I don't really count MR & MRS SMITH as a true assassin role for Angelina, although she was a healthier and sexier weight at the time that movie was made, in the midst of her burgeoning love affair with Brad Pitt. It was 3 years about about 30 pounds lighter in WANTED that Angie showed off her truly mad killer skills, dialing in a weak performance as Fox (read the comic, the character and the series in general were vicious as f*ck and that subject matter wouldn't have flown in even an R rated blockbuster). Me, I'm still missing the fit years of TOMB RAIDER, but it seems that we're never going to get that Jolie back, so enduring memories must be taken out and given some sunlight so that they don't wither and die completely.

Devon Aoki

The one thing that baffled me about Devon Aoki is how such an angelic looking face could simultaneously deliver some of the shadiest stares, cloaking people in gloom and doom before even the first strike. It's also confusing how the SIN CITY babe never took off the way I figured she would after that brief blip in her career where the bigger studios were casting her in flamboyant roles. But when your dad is the pioneer of Benihana, I suppose you can do whatever the f*ck you want, including ditching the Hollywood lifestyle a mild mannered family life.

Uma Thurman

While I might have PULP FICTION and RESERVOIR DOGS higher on my personal list of Tarantino favorites, KILL BILL is still that seminal film that made girl power something more than matching lip gloss and "You Go Girl!" facebook posts. Uma Thurman might not be everyone's cup of tea in the hottie department but she is arguably one of the most fascinating people to watch, as she maneuvers her facial expressions from lovable and goofy in some films to lethal in a way that a lot of people didn't think she could before slicing off heads as The Bride.

Which assassin babe would you most love to suffer at the hands of: Angelina, Devon or Uma?

Source: IMDB

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8:15AM on 12/28/2016

Uma

If we're going with how they looked for each of the movies mentioned, it's gotta be Uma for me.
If we're going with how they looked for each of the movies mentioned, it's gotta be Uma for me.
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10:49AM on 12/23/2016

Angelina

I love Uma, and Aoki too, but neither can compare to AJ
I love Uma, and Aoki too, but neither can compare to AJ
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5:59PM on 12/22/2016

Uma

Uma > Devon. Angelina is not even in consideration.
Uma > Devon. Angelina is not even in consideration.
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4:02PM on 12/22/2016

Devon Aoki

Mostly because I never cared for the other two but Devon is certainly a sexy woman in her own right.
Mostly because I never cared for the other two but Devon is certainly a sexy woman in her own right.
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+0
10:26AM on 12/22/2016

Angelina

Because she can actually handle a knife or a handgun, and because she's been the hottest of the 3 for most of her career. BTW this photo of Angelina brings the phrase "I'd bang her like a screen door in a hurricane" to mind.
Uma's my second choice. Devon is way down in the rankings on this BOTB.
Because she can actually handle a knife or a handgun, and because she's been the hottest of the 3 for most of her career. BTW this photo of Angelina brings the phrase "I'd bang her like a screen door in a hurricane" to mind.
Uma's my second choice. Devon is way down in the rankings on this BOTB.
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8:34AM on 12/22/2016

Uma

I have no idea how she didn't win Best Actress for her Kill Bill role. It was easily one of the most accomplished roles that I've ever seen from any actor, man or woman. So she gets my vote eternally.
I have no idea how she didn't win Best Actress for her Kill Bill role. It was easily one of the most accomplished roles that I've ever seen from any actor, man or woman. So she gets my vote eternally.
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8:09AM on 12/22/2016

Uma

In their prime, I'd take Uma every time.
In their prime, I'd take Uma every time.
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7:50AM on 12/22/2016

Angelina....

Angelina Jolie by leaps and bounds. 20 years ago, 10 years ago and now. Uma would be next up.
Angelina Jolie by leaps and bounds. 20 years ago, 10 years ago and now. Uma would be next up.
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+1
5:04AM on 12/22/2016

Triple tie...

... because I'm not really into any of them.
... because I'm not really into any of them.
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