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Body Shop: Penelope Cruz

04.28.2008by: Mr. Pink

It's a little difficult to take seriously anyone who dated Tom Cruise for four years, but this week's madam manages to counter the cold shiver that proximity to Scientology creates by adding a hot and spicy mixture to the dish. Is it enough to salvage her doability for other men? Hard to tell, but let's take a closer look at: PENELOPE CRUZ!

Check her out in - Vicky Cristina Barcelona

ASS (4/10):

Cruz was famously asked to don a fake butt for her role in VOLVER, so you know the news isn't good here. It is flat, lacking shape, and generally not worth mentioning. So let's leave it at that.

BOOBIES (7/10):

Cruz probably has as close to a WASP-y body as you're going to find on a popular Latino actress. She's mostly bony with lots of sharp edges which belie the typical stereotype of curvy voluptuousness. Still, her breasts are pretty good and perky with a downright appealing shape to them. Thus it's only mildly distracting that I've seen female gymnasts sporting a bigger rack.

FACE (6/10):

I'm surprised to find myself giving Cruz such a low grade here, but the more I look at her face the more I'm reminded of a pissed off Chihuahua. I think it's mostly the disastrous mixture of a nose and lips that don't fit her face that leave those stunning eyes with nothing to save them. I definitely won't argue that she's able to be hella sexy, but pretty? Not so much.


I've got to give it up here to Penelope, because she is a sexy woman, and since her body and face aren't ample enough explanation for why, she gets the props here. Sure one might question her judgment (re: 4 years w/TC), but there's a significant light that shines when she's present. Her mix of goofy, sexy, gangly, and elegant often leaves me confused, but definitely wanting more.

CAREER (7/10):

Ms. PC hasn't managed to knock one out of the park yet in regards to English speaking audiences, but you certainly can't argue with her overall career success or general castability. It's hard to tell if she'll ever hit top tier status, but if she falls short it won't be for lack of effort or talent.


OVERALL (7/10):

There's just something very pleasing about Penelope Cruz. You like her without altogether knowing why. Kinda like a Spanish Meg Ryan, before Meg left Dennis Quaid and forever lost her sweetheart image. Maybe one of these days she'll find a true crossover success. Until then, thank goodness for Pedro Almodovar.

Source: MovieHotties


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10:42PM on 09/01/2008

Wrong again

Once again I am shocked by your ridiculous judgments of women...
Once again I am shocked by your ridiculous judgments of women...
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8:29PM on 04/28/2008

it's her b-day

along with jessica alba and bridget moynahan
along with jessica alba and bridget moynahan
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