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Body Shop: Lindsay Lohan

09.28.2009by: Mr. Pink

It's easy to be amused by Tara Reid and her self-destructive party messes, because she's not particularly talented not notably attractive. But what about when you have someone a little more legit who appears hell bent on destroying career and looks? As last week's hottie showed, it is possible to turn things around, but there's still a big question mark about what's going to happen with: LINDSAY LOHAN!

Check her out in - Machete

ASS (7/10):

Lohan's going to have to work overtime as she ages to keep her backside from looking like a couple of saddlebags. For now she has the benefit of youth on her side, and the booty is a reasonably fun bit to look at, although she's been an ace at distracting us with other things to focus on.

BOOBIES (10/10):

Body weight issues have certainly caused these sweater puppies to plump up and deflate over the years, but at their best these are nothing less than heavenly. I'm not sure when Lindsay has her A-game going that there's a better rack out there this side of Diora Baird.

FACE (10/10):

We've seen so many unflattering paparazzi photos of LL as she's finishing up a night of abusing whatever her favorite substances are, that it's easy to lose sight of the fact she's got a stunning face. Perhaps the all access pass she's given us to her nether regions has killed the mystique forever, but from a straight pictorial perspective, she's got the stuff of true Hollywood glamour. If she ever commits to a lifestyle that doesn't require multiple hospitalizations and early face destruction, she'll probably keep her allure for a long time. Otherwise expect that beauty to fade hardcore over the next decade (or sooner).

PERSONALITY (8/10):

I'll gladly take the hit from those who are going to argue this should be way lower. The chick has definitely made many bad decisions, and seems like a hot mess a lot of the time. But here's the thing. She's smart. Like Tina Fey smart. And that counts for a lot. She also has a pretty strong sense of career awareness, and surprisingly, comes across as a very thoughtful young lady. That doesn't change the fact that her passions are overtaking her common sense the last five years or so, but that kind of conflict makes a person more, not less, interesting to me. And let's not forget that every good thing she manages to eek out of her life and career is despite the two trainwrecks she has for parents. Those two should be tossed in a blender and then dumped in the nearest septic tank.

CAREER (7/10):

Linds has a higher public profile than her career really warrants at this point, but unlike most people who fall into that category, she actually possesses sick levels of talent. She hasn't been bad in much of anything, although she's been in plenty of bad shite. We may have to play the same waiting game with her that Quaid, Barrymore, and Downey Jr. put us through before we get to see her shine in outstanding projects, but if she can get her act together I've no doubt she'll be a force in the years to come.

High points: FREAKY FRIDAY, MEAN GIRLS, A PRAIRIE HOME COMPANION
Low points: CONFESSIONS OF A TEENAGE DRAMA QUEEN, HERBIE FULLY LOADED, I KNOW WHO KILLED ME

OVERALL (9/10):

Lindsay Lohan is an easy punchline these days. And quite frankly she's largely responsible for that. But that makes it easy to lose sight of the reality that she's a beautiful woman with an outstanding body and significant talent. I really do hope she gets it together, because for personal reasons I have a soft spot for adrift young adults with more promise than sense.

Source: MovieHotties

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