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Body Shop: Diane Lane

09.27.2010by: Mr. Pink

As yet another week of Lindsay Lohan drama rolled along I started thinking about actresses who actually comport themselves with some class. Those who have been around for awhile and are still relevant because of their body of work instead of celebutard shenanigans. And it's hard to think of a better example than: DIANE LANE!

Check her out in - Secretariat

ASS (4/10):

So things start off a little rough this week, because DL truly has an unfortunate booty. So much so that I was literally only able to find 3 pics of it from her entire career, and only one straight on. It's flat and curveless and just totally, well, look for yourself.

BOOBIES (10/10):

Alright, let's cleanse our pallets from the last category and get to the good stuff. Diane's sweater fluffers are nearly magical, because defying the normal trajectory of aging, her's seem to improve each year. As a young woman she certainly had a lovely chest, but maturation has given the girls extra plumpness and presence. For their relative size, it's hard to imagine a more perfect set.

FACE (10/10):

Some beauty is timeless and Diane certainly has it. She's been a gorgeous woman her whole damn life and that doesn't look likely to change any time soon. I don't really know what else to say. A face this perfect doesn't need commentary.

PERSONALITY (8/10):

I think we can all agree that any chick cool enough to land the original Highlander, and then snag Josh Brolin has to have a lot of moxie. On top of that she's managed to navigate the tumultuous waters of Hollywood for decades with grace. As mentioned in the intro, it's not only refreshing, I'd almost ask her to start teaching lessons in how to be a Hollywood starlet.

CAREER (8/10):

There are certainly actresses who have more accomplished resumes, but few who have been around for as long, and been as consistently productive as Ms. Lane. She may not have a ton of knock you out of your socks type roles, however she has really hit her main stride as she's aged and things continue to look better and better for her.

High points: STREETS OF FIRE, A WALK ON THE MOON, UNFAITHFUL
Low points: JACK, MUST LOVE DOGS, UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN

OVERALL (10/10):

Diane Lane is the bees knees. Stunning is just one of many apropos descriptors for this amazing lady. I'm pretty sure most mortal men would melt in her presence, and that's as it should be. One should be struck dumb when at the foot of a goddess.

Source: MovieHotties

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1:11PM on 09/27/2010
no NSFW pics?
10/10 for me too
no NSFW pics?
10/10 for me too
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10:26AM on 09/27/2010

Diane is perfect!

Perfect 10 across the board for me.
Perfect 10 across the board for me.
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+5
3:18PM on 09/27/2010

Love her But.....

While Diane Lane is FANTASTIC...your math sucks horribly.
She scored 2 (10's), 2 (8's) and a 4
Total that is 40 out of a possible 50

Diane Lane should only score 8/10...based on the math.

Based on the erections she give us still.....okay...I can see 10/10.
While Diane Lane is FANTASTIC...your math sucks horribly.
She scored 2 (10's), 2 (8's) and a 4
Total that is 40 out of a possible 50

Diane Lane should only score 8/10...based on the math.

Based on the erections she give us still.....okay...I can see 10/10.
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+5
11:21AM on 09/27/2010

Still fine after all these decades.

Definitely a cougar worth being ravaged by.
Definitely a cougar worth being ravaged by.
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+5
10:44AM on 09/27/2010

10

For a woman of her age, she worth a big 10/10 !
For a woman of her age, she worth a big 10/10 !
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10:11AM on 09/27/2010
Definitely a 9-10.
Definitely a 9-10.
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9:41AM on 09/27/2010

stunning!

i'd rate her ass at least a 6.
i'd rate her ass at least a 6.
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1:50PM on 09/27/2010
Been in love with her since '82, when I first saw her in that goofy Kenny Rogers vehicle "Six Pack." She's an angel.
Been in love with her since '82, when I first saw her in that goofy Kenny Rogers vehicle "Six Pack." She's an angel.
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11:22AM on 09/27/2010

Then And Now...

She was damn near perfect then...and still is.
She was damn near perfect then...and still is.
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5:17PM on 09/27/2010

Damn!

I can count on one hand the number of Hollywood chicks who remain ridiculously hot after three decades, and this chick is near or at the top of that list.
I can count on one hand the number of Hollywood chicks who remain ridiculously hot after three decades, and this chick is near or at the top of that list.
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+2
5:12PM on 09/27/2010

No, YOUR math sucks :-)

I can't believe I'm getting a math comment on this article again, but if that's the way we gotta break it down then allow me to retort.

The problem with your premise is the assumption that all of the categories have equal weight in determining the overall score. This is clearly not the case as often times one stunning feature puts a woman into a hotness category that she would not otherwise achieve.

The most obvious example of this would be hotties like Alba, JLo (back in the day for
I can't believe I'm getting a math comment on this article again, but if that's the way we gotta break it down then allow me to retort.

The problem with your premise is the assumption that all of the categories have equal weight in determining the overall score. This is clearly not the case as often times one stunning feature puts a woman into a hotness category that she would not otherwise achieve.

The most obvious example of this would be hotties like Alba, JLo (back in the day for both) or Vida Guerra. All ladies have chests that are not proportionate nor as dearly loved as their backsides. But the idea that any negatives of a smallish chest area cancel out the epic grandeur attained by their keisters ignores common sense.

And this is, of course, without getting into the X factor that many hotties have. Ellen Barkin, Maggie Gyllenhaal and the like are women who many consider hotter than their individual parts because of an indefinable appeal (this can go the other way too, LiLo).

But all of this is essentially inconsequential because this is a column called the Body Shop, and ultimately all of the ratings are completely subjective.

If you really want accurate formulas and whatnot in your hottie ratings then you'll probably find your needs better met here - [link]
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2:48PM on 09/27/2010

Love

I love love love Diane Lane. Beautiful and 100% sexy
I love love love Diane Lane. Beautiful and 100% sexy
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6:41AM on 09/28/2010
She's gorgeous and most importantly, a NATURAL BEAUTY.
She's gorgeous and most importantly, a NATURAL BEAUTY.
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3:17AM on 09/29/2010
About time Lane was featured!
About time Lane was featured!
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11:08PM on 09/27/2010
Usually I read over the Body Shop and agree to some degree. Here I agree that Lane looks good but there is no way she is a 10/10. As she's getting older she's a high 7/10 or low 8/10 but not even close to a perfect 10
Usually I read over the Body Shop and agree to some degree. Here I agree that Lane looks good but there is no way she is a 10/10. As she's getting older she's a high 7/10 or low 8/10 but not even close to a perfect 10
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11:21AM on 09/27/2010
I would say a 6 or 7.
I would say a 6 or 7.
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