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Battle of the Babes #48

04.16.2009by: Cherry Liquor

I like boobs. I have a pair of my own and I enjoy them as often as I can. Any woman who tries to tell you that her breasts aren't the most fun part of her body is a damn liar. Sure, it takes some adjustment time to deal with them when they first come in and you're a young girl warding off the advances of men who should know better, but there's not a single person on this planet (including all of my gay male friends) who don't appreciate the glorious nature of the boob. So this week's battle is over which one of these breast-hogging women needs to give up the goods already.

Scarlett Johansson

This is the Holy Grail of "Why the f*ck hasn't someone paid her enough money to flash them damn things by now?" Babes. I go back and forth between liking ScarJo (after all, the bitch DID take Ryan Reynolds off the market), because she does wear some revealing outfits and definitely knows how to play up that cleavage. But as far as the full, real deal, it's yet to be seen. My bet is that it'll be a disappointing Haile Berry SWORDFISH moment, but I'm begging, so I'm not choosy.

Jennifer Aniston

JenAni is another one of those Hollywood bitches who taunts us with side boob and underboob and full boob except sans areola covered with her fingertips. It's getting old, Jen. Kinda like you. It was great to get a chance to ogle the ass in THE BREAK-UP, but as nice as ass can be, there is a magical power to the breasticles that the ass just can't match. So piss or get off the damn pot, woman. You already lost your man because you wouldn't give him a baby, the least you could do is give your dwindling fan base a taste of the full orb.

Jessica Alba

Personally, I think that Alba has a bloated sense of ego when she talks about how she has a no-nudity clause in her contract. Sure, she should have been topless when she played Nancy Callahan in SIN CITY, that's the way even gay Frank Miller drew the character to be. Instead, we got a writhing and fully clothed stripper out of Alba. And a stand-in set of boobies for her movie THE SLEEPING DICTIONARY. Now that she's got a set of mom tits, I'd like to see them. And considering that she makes shit movies and is a barely passable actress, if she doesn't start getting real about either baring the skin or getting some acting lessons, I don't think she's going to be riding the A-List train very much longer.

This whole post came off a little negative to me. See what happens when you withhold the goods? People get cranky. So start showing! It's for ART, DOGDAMMIT!!

Extra Tidbit: I almost included Sarah Jessica Parker in there, not because she's hot or anything but because even the coldest heart out there won't admit that she doesn't have a rack that is sensational.
Source: IMDB


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