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3 Looks: Natalie Portman

05.07.2008by: Cush

Sometimes I look at Natalie Portman and it just annoys me. Like what is the point or purpose of looking so ridiculously good? It's just rubbing your face in it. You're never gonna get a chick that looks like that, but there she is, teasing you, laughing at you; mocking you. It also poses a very real question to biologists, because there's just no way she looks so good through natural means. There was definitely some kind of genetic modification there, or at the very least, magic.

Anyway, let's do the dance...

#3 - 'Jack's Girlfriend' in HOTEL CHEVALIER

In a short prologue to THE DARJEELING LIMITED, Portman gets her ass out on screen. Other stuff happens, but unless Jesus is riding a unicorn, it's probably less interesting.

Notorious on account of being her first (and apparently much regretted) ass-shot. Although why you'd regret it when you've got such a cracker-jack tush is beyond me. If I had an ass like she does I would only wear those ass-less chaps that Jessica Alba wears in SIN CITY. Either than or nothing. Probably nothing.

You can check the clip out in all its glory over HERE. Be warned though, you will immediately hate Jason Schwartzman.

#2 - 'Leslie' in MY BLUEBERRY NIGHTS

Probably the most beautiful film I've ever seen; Norah Jones plays a young girl who travels all over America and at some point runs into the high-stakes gambling Natalie Portman.

There's a reason I was in love, as a child, with Rogue from the X-Men. It's the southern accent. Portman rocks that, and a funky hairstyle that just betrays a chick who is down for anything. Plus, broads that get off on gambling are hot, no question. And is it just me or is Norah Jones way cute? That's when you know you look good, when you're sharing screen time with a really good looking broad and you still win hands down.

#1 - 'Alice' in CLOSER

Two couples, involving Julia Roberts, Clive Owen, Jude Law and Ms. Portman get all kinds of messed up when everyone starts sleeping with everyone. I'll be honest, first time I saw this flick I fell asleep, but Portman makes me wish I'd stayed awake.

This is debatable, I know, but there was just something about her in this role. Oh yeah, that's right, it was her fucking ass. In CLOSER, Portman amazingly manages to straddle classy and cute, when she's regular Alice, and then smoking hot when she is stripper Alice. But hey, don't take my word for it:

Thank you!



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