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3 Looks: Marisa Tomei

03.26.2008by: Cush

I saw an article the other day about the top ten hottest Oscar winners. I forget who ranked exactly (it was a Halle Berry, Angelina Jolie 1-2 punch), but I was absolutely appalled that Marisa Tomei might be absent from such a list. She is in my opinion, flat out the most naturally beautiful broad on the planet. Whenever I see her, my head kind of snaps back like that critic in RATATOUILLE and then when I return I'm skipping hand in hand with her through a forest where friendly bears and rabbits play tennis and hopscotch by the pond.

Recognise her top three hottest looks:

#3 - 'Missy' - in A BROTHER'S KISS

Two brother, Lex and younger Mick, are living in Harlem. Mick is a policeman, and Lex, who spent youth years in reformatory because of injustice after he confronted the cop who tried to sodomize Mick on the street, is living with his wife Debbie trying to make ends meet and failing. One day Lex calls Mick - he has a problem...

Yeah, this is here by virtue of her not looking absolutely fucking horrible, even with Allan Iverson type braids sprouting from the back of her head. I think chicks with this kind of hair are all crazy hot - not blatantly, but in a kind of subversive way.

Also good to know Tomei can go blonde and still look great.

#2 - 'Mona Lisa Vito' in MY COUSIN VINNY

Bill and Stan are mistaken for murderers while on vacation, and Bill's family sends his cousin to defend them for his first case as a lawyer. That cousin turns out to be non-gangster Joe Pesci, who has a bunch of God damn gems in this great flick.

God, I hate arguing with girlfriends, but I'd argue with this chick all night long if I got to go to bed with her afterwards.

The thing is though, all that arguing is bullshit. Even though she runs her mouth like Chris fucking Tucker, she still backs down in the end and takes no end of shit from Joe Pesci. I think she'd be hella easy to handle. In fact, if only real chicks were this way.

Added bonus is that if I was going out with this chick I could make like I was connected to the mob, which I'm pretty sure would be cool.

#1 - 'Linda' in ANGER MANAGEMENT

Sandler plays a businessman who is wrongly sentenced to an anger-management program, where he meets an aggressive instructor (Jack Nicholson). You've already seen most of the jokes when you saw one of Sandler's post HAPPY GILMORE films. Nicholson is way too good for this kind of thing.

This was a toss-up between it and ALFIE, since she looks pretty much exactly the same in both. The performance is hotter in ALFIE, but I'll be damned if she isn't my fucking dream girl in this thing. Hot and loves sports. You probably expected more, like good mom, enjoys reading, cavalier attitude towards sex, but those two are pretty much all I need.

Of course, she is both the strength of this film, and the source of its fall. You're telling me Adam Sandler's douche character happens to have somehow slipped into a relationship with this chick but doesn't dare kiss her in public? Come on! I'd be all over her just like that one time in CRANK, except instead of it being in the middle of China town, it would be in the middle of any town, and in stead of it being that one time, it would be all the time.


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